I was on a company trip to Singapore. We had a convention to attend and to meet up with potential clients in Singapore. It was a four days trip. Because it was a short trip and my company wanted to capitalised on our trip there, the management managed to cramp our schedule in the four days with the convention, meetings, cocktails and dinner appointments.
However, they forgotten the fact it was also the world football month! It is the World Cup! Of course, I never give a damn about because I would prefer Miss World competition myself. I thought this will not affect me at all but I was wrong.
I went to this business trip with a bunch of this bunch of my colleagues who are Pussy Lover Football Freaks. As I am straight acting and not totally out of the closet, I also had to pretend to be Pussy Lover Football Freak. Right after dinner, I had no choice but to be with them to watch the match. They were drinking beer by the jugs and had girls lap dancers to entertain us during half time. I had to pretend to enjoy the party but my heart yearns for some gorgeous hunk doing the lap dancing instead.
Having staying in the same hotel made it even worst. One night I decided to leave early but when the match was about to start they woke me up and asked me to joined them. This was 2.30 in the morning. I NEEDED my beauty sleep. Fucker!!!!!
You could not imagine how happy I was when I reached back home from the trip. I needed my sanity back from the trip. I opened a bottle of red wine, put on my Ella Fitzgerald CD and soaked myself in my aromatherapy bath.
Monday, June 26, 2006
Friday, June 09, 2006
Sexual Harassment
Nowadays, sexual harassment has been a typical topic discussed in the office environment. Constantly a media coverage in chat shows over TV and radio. However, the topic seems to assume that the kinder gender of the human race is always the victim. Well, horse shit it is!
I was given an opportunity to be a junior consultant at a consulting firm. I was excited of this job as this was my dream job. The pay is not great but the opportunity to rise is there. I scarified everything for this job.
At first, I was assigned to small projects to handle with only one man job for the whole projects. I put in long hours to prove my capability. As so I did! The management was impressed with my work and decided to absorb me into bigger projects. I was assigned to work with this senior consultant for this global job. I knew this was the chance to prove to myself that I can do it! But this was the beginning of my horror …..
The senior consultant is someone I have noticed for quite sometime. He is middle age, short, fat and has a flair for ugly dress sense. We bumped into one another before my assignment under him but we only casually said hi to one another. I kept my distance as I knew he was a screaming queen. I kept that to myself as I have no say to what he wants to be.
As soon as I was under his wings, he became so closed to me. He asked me a thousand and one personnel questions. He also found out that I was single and that was not from me. Apparently, he asked around the office about me. I could not care less as everything went ok with both of us. We work well together on the project.
After a few months under him, he found out that I play squash and he invited me to play with him. I had no choice but to oblige. We played squash at his condo and right after the game he invited me over to his place for a drink. I stupidly accepted the invitation and we went up to his apartment.
Before the game, it had been a long day work. Obviously, I was a bit exhausted from work and the game. I plunked myself in his plush sofa. He came with the drinks and he told me that I looked tired and tensed. He reached out for my shoulders and gave me a message. Again stupidly I just let him to do so. He came closer to me and started to breath on my neck. He then gave me a kiss behind my neck while trying to hug me. I was shocked! I jumped out of the sofa but I so speechless. I just looked at him. He just gave me a smile. I could not believe it that he was making a passed on me. Damn! All I could do was to excused myself and left.
I never discussed it about with him or anyone after that but ever since that incident, it had been hell at work. Somehow or rather there seems to be more work to be done. He assigned me with more tasks so that I had to work extra long working hours. And to make thing worst, he still made his passes on me but more obvious. I am so stressed out with datelines; and the physical and verbal harassment from this man!
What do I do to stop all this? If I were to make a formal complaint to the management, I would also pull myself into the dirt as it is not the usual man-girl situation. They might even find out that I am also gay, which I am not ready for. Oh god! Save me from this.
I was given an opportunity to be a junior consultant at a consulting firm. I was excited of this job as this was my dream job. The pay is not great but the opportunity to rise is there. I scarified everything for this job.
At first, I was assigned to small projects to handle with only one man job for the whole projects. I put in long hours to prove my capability. As so I did! The management was impressed with my work and decided to absorb me into bigger projects. I was assigned to work with this senior consultant for this global job. I knew this was the chance to prove to myself that I can do it! But this was the beginning of my horror …..
The senior consultant is someone I have noticed for quite sometime. He is middle age, short, fat and has a flair for ugly dress sense. We bumped into one another before my assignment under him but we only casually said hi to one another. I kept my distance as I knew he was a screaming queen. I kept that to myself as I have no say to what he wants to be.
As soon as I was under his wings, he became so closed to me. He asked me a thousand and one personnel questions. He also found out that I was single and that was not from me. Apparently, he asked around the office about me. I could not care less as everything went ok with both of us. We work well together on the project.
After a few months under him, he found out that I play squash and he invited me to play with him. I had no choice but to oblige. We played squash at his condo and right after the game he invited me over to his place for a drink. I stupidly accepted the invitation and we went up to his apartment.
Before the game, it had been a long day work. Obviously, I was a bit exhausted from work and the game. I plunked myself in his plush sofa. He came with the drinks and he told me that I looked tired and tensed. He reached out for my shoulders and gave me a message. Again stupidly I just let him to do so. He came closer to me and started to breath on my neck. He then gave me a kiss behind my neck while trying to hug me. I was shocked! I jumped out of the sofa but I so speechless. I just looked at him. He just gave me a smile. I could not believe it that he was making a passed on me. Damn! All I could do was to excused myself and left.
I never discussed it about with him or anyone after that but ever since that incident, it had been hell at work. Somehow or rather there seems to be more work to be done. He assigned me with more tasks so that I had to work extra long working hours. And to make thing worst, he still made his passes on me but more obvious. I am so stressed out with datelines; and the physical and verbal harassment from this man!
What do I do to stop all this? If I were to make a formal complaint to the management, I would also pull myself into the dirt as it is not the usual man-girl situation. They might even find out that I am also gay, which I am not ready for. Oh god! Save me from this.
Saturday, June 03, 2006
Abang Angkat
Abang Joe adalah seorang senior yang sentiasa menolong junior-junior yang ada menghadapi masalah pelajaran. Kebetulan pulak aku seorang yang memerlukan tunjuk ajar untuk menaikkan CGPA ku. Kawan aku memperkenalkan kami berdua dan dia bersetuju untuk meluangkan masa untuk aku. Semenjak itu, dia selalu menolong aku seperti memberi point-point untuk aku menyiapkan assignment dan presentation ku. Dia juga memberi semangat untuk aku berlajar dengan lebih gigih untuk meningkat CGPA aku. Oleh kerana itu, aku sentiasa menghabiskan masa bersama dia. Lama-kelamaan, semua member aku menanggap dia sebagai abang angkat aku. Sebagai seorang pelajar di UiTM, konsep berabang angkat adalah perhubungan yang lazimnya diterima oleh semua.
Aku rasa beruntung kerana mendapat Abang Joe sebagai abang angkat. Abang Joe bukan saje pandai, segak dan tampan tetapi tahu mengambil hati aku. Sekali-sekala dia akan ajak aku pergi tengok wayang atau main bowling dengan dia. Yang bestnya kami sentiasa berdua sahaja.
Selalunya bila aku belajar kat bilik dia sampai pagi buta, dia akan ajak tidur sekali kat katil dia sebab dia tak nak aku penat balik ke bilik aku. Walaupun kita tak buat apa-apa tapi berasa hepi giler kerana dapat tidur bersama Abang Joe.
Cuti pertengahan semester pun tiba. Semua pelajar-pelajar balik kampung. Tak sampai dua minggu bercuti, aku berasa bosan di kampung aku dan aku pun menalifon Abang Joe menanya khabar. Apabila aku menceritakan kebosanan ku di kampung, dia pun ajak aku balik campus awal kerana dia tengah buat projek untuk Persatuan Pelajar-pelajar dan perlu berada di kampus seminggu sebelum sementer buka. Dia akan duduk di hostel seorang diri dan aku boleh menemani dia. Aku pun OK je.
Setiba kami di kampus, dia terpaksa berjumpa dengan lecturer untuk berdiskus untuk projek dia itu. Aku pulak balik ke bilik dia. Aku berasa penat dan terus tidur atas katil dia seperti biasa. Apabila aku terjaga, aku mendapati Abang Joe tidur sebelah aku di katil yang sama. Padahal ada katil kosong yang lain tapi dia nak juga tidur bersama aku. Aku dengan tak malunya memeluk dia. Dia pun memeluk aku dan dengan tiba-tiba dia mencium pipi ku. Aku pun memeluk dia lagi kuat, takut-takut dia termimpi atau ape. Dia cuba mencium lagi tapi bukan pipi ku tetapi bibirku. Aku pun teruja dan merelakannya. Seminggu selepas itu adalah sungguh bermakna pada ku kerana hanya aku dan Abang Joe di dalam bilik hostelnya. Itu lah dedik permulaan hubungan intim aku dengan Abang Joe.
Semasa cuti panjang, aku ajak Abang Joe cuti di kampung ku dan ku perkenalkan abang angkat ku kepada keluarga ku. Mereka menerimanya dan kedua orang tua ku rapat dengan Abang Joe kerana Abang Joe tahu mengambil hati mereka. Oleh kerana ini lah aku bertambah jatuh cinta dengan Abang Joe. Segalanya aku akan korbankan untuk Abang Joe.
Setelah kami berkenalan satu setengah sementer, seorang rakan kelas ku, Mann, mulai rapat dengan Abang Joe. Mann yang baru dilantik sebagai ahli jawatankuasa Persatuan Pelajar-pelajar sentiasa bersama Abang Joe yang juga baru telah baru dilantik sebagai Timbalan Presiden Persatuan Pelajar-pelajar. Pada mulanya aku tidak pedulikannya kerana Mann adalah kawan ku dan Abang Joe hanya menganggap Mann sebagai adik angkat. Walaupun Abang Joe masih keluar bersama ku, tetapi Abang Joe juga meluangkan masa bersama Mann. Kadang-kadang kami bertiga akan keluar tengok wayang atau main bowling bersama-sama.
Hubungan Abang Joe dan Mann bertambah rapat. Aku mulai rasa curiga. Pada satu malam study break, semua rakan bilik Abang Joe balik kampung. Aku tahu yang Mann ada bersama Abang Joe. Aku menalifon Abang Joe dan menerangkan yang aku tidak dapat jumpa dia malam itu kerana perlu berdiskus untuk group presentation. Aku sebenarnya adalah berhampiran bilik Abang Joe. Setelah sejam menunggu, aku pun terus serbu bilik Abang Joe dan mendapati kedua-dua mereka berbogel di atas katil abang Joe. Hati ku pada saat itu berasa dicincang seribu. Sungguh kejam Abang Joe membuat aku begitu.
Adakah ini konsep abang angkat yang dipraktiskan di kebanyakkan institusi-insitusi pengajian. Mungkin aku masih mentah dalam hal ini tetapi jikalau konsep abang angkat bermaksudnya sebenarnya perhubungan yang lebih intim, maka aku berasa terkejut yang ianya dipraktikkan berleluasa dan diterima oleh ramai pelajar-pelajar di institusi-institusi pengajian di Malaysia ini. Apa bezanya abang angkat dengan boi fren? Adakah ini muslihat dengan menggunakan adat resam kita untuk menyerapkan gejala-gejala negatif yang dianggap oleh masyarakat kita? Atau sememang pada dasarnya ianya berniat suci tetapi kita sendiri yang mengekploitnya?
Walau apapun, untuk diri ku yang kecewa ini .... mungkin hanya perlu mencari seorang abang angkat yang setia pada aku.
Aku rasa beruntung kerana mendapat Abang Joe sebagai abang angkat. Abang Joe bukan saje pandai, segak dan tampan tetapi tahu mengambil hati aku. Sekali-sekala dia akan ajak aku pergi tengok wayang atau main bowling dengan dia. Yang bestnya kami sentiasa berdua sahaja.
Selalunya bila aku belajar kat bilik dia sampai pagi buta, dia akan ajak tidur sekali kat katil dia sebab dia tak nak aku penat balik ke bilik aku. Walaupun kita tak buat apa-apa tapi berasa hepi giler kerana dapat tidur bersama Abang Joe.
Cuti pertengahan semester pun tiba. Semua pelajar-pelajar balik kampung. Tak sampai dua minggu bercuti, aku berasa bosan di kampung aku dan aku pun menalifon Abang Joe menanya khabar. Apabila aku menceritakan kebosanan ku di kampung, dia pun ajak aku balik campus awal kerana dia tengah buat projek untuk Persatuan Pelajar-pelajar dan perlu berada di kampus seminggu sebelum sementer buka. Dia akan duduk di hostel seorang diri dan aku boleh menemani dia. Aku pun OK je.
Setiba kami di kampus, dia terpaksa berjumpa dengan lecturer untuk berdiskus untuk projek dia itu. Aku pulak balik ke bilik dia. Aku berasa penat dan terus tidur atas katil dia seperti biasa. Apabila aku terjaga, aku mendapati Abang Joe tidur sebelah aku di katil yang sama. Padahal ada katil kosong yang lain tapi dia nak juga tidur bersama aku. Aku dengan tak malunya memeluk dia. Dia pun memeluk aku dan dengan tiba-tiba dia mencium pipi ku. Aku pun memeluk dia lagi kuat, takut-takut dia termimpi atau ape. Dia cuba mencium lagi tapi bukan pipi ku tetapi bibirku. Aku pun teruja dan merelakannya. Seminggu selepas itu adalah sungguh bermakna pada ku kerana hanya aku dan Abang Joe di dalam bilik hostelnya. Itu lah dedik permulaan hubungan intim aku dengan Abang Joe.
Semasa cuti panjang, aku ajak Abang Joe cuti di kampung ku dan ku perkenalkan abang angkat ku kepada keluarga ku. Mereka menerimanya dan kedua orang tua ku rapat dengan Abang Joe kerana Abang Joe tahu mengambil hati mereka. Oleh kerana ini lah aku bertambah jatuh cinta dengan Abang Joe. Segalanya aku akan korbankan untuk Abang Joe.
Setelah kami berkenalan satu setengah sementer, seorang rakan kelas ku, Mann, mulai rapat dengan Abang Joe. Mann yang baru dilantik sebagai ahli jawatankuasa Persatuan Pelajar-pelajar sentiasa bersama Abang Joe yang juga baru telah baru dilantik sebagai Timbalan Presiden Persatuan Pelajar-pelajar. Pada mulanya aku tidak pedulikannya kerana Mann adalah kawan ku dan Abang Joe hanya menganggap Mann sebagai adik angkat. Walaupun Abang Joe masih keluar bersama ku, tetapi Abang Joe juga meluangkan masa bersama Mann. Kadang-kadang kami bertiga akan keluar tengok wayang atau main bowling bersama-sama.
Hubungan Abang Joe dan Mann bertambah rapat. Aku mulai rasa curiga. Pada satu malam study break, semua rakan bilik Abang Joe balik kampung. Aku tahu yang Mann ada bersama Abang Joe. Aku menalifon Abang Joe dan menerangkan yang aku tidak dapat jumpa dia malam itu kerana perlu berdiskus untuk group presentation. Aku sebenarnya adalah berhampiran bilik Abang Joe. Setelah sejam menunggu, aku pun terus serbu bilik Abang Joe dan mendapati kedua-dua mereka berbogel di atas katil abang Joe. Hati ku pada saat itu berasa dicincang seribu. Sungguh kejam Abang Joe membuat aku begitu.
Adakah ini konsep abang angkat yang dipraktiskan di kebanyakkan institusi-insitusi pengajian. Mungkin aku masih mentah dalam hal ini tetapi jikalau konsep abang angkat bermaksudnya sebenarnya perhubungan yang lebih intim, maka aku berasa terkejut yang ianya dipraktikkan berleluasa dan diterima oleh ramai pelajar-pelajar di institusi-institusi pengajian di Malaysia ini. Apa bezanya abang angkat dengan boi fren? Adakah ini muslihat dengan menggunakan adat resam kita untuk menyerapkan gejala-gejala negatif yang dianggap oleh masyarakat kita? Atau sememang pada dasarnya ianya berniat suci tetapi kita sendiri yang mengekploitnya?
Walau apapun, untuk diri ku yang kecewa ini .... mungkin hanya perlu mencari seorang abang angkat yang setia pada aku.
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