Monday, March 27, 2006

Nurtured or Nature?

I am sure you all have heard this over and over again. Many have argued and yet there is no answer to this question. Were we born gay or the world around us change us to be gay? Nurtured or nature?!!!!!

Well, let me tell u my side of the story. My dad was never there to be the male figure in the family. My family was like a single parent family. My mom had to look after all six of us and I might add she had done a bloody good job. My dad, on the other hand, went to the big city and enjoyed the lifestyle of a bachelor. Drinking, partying and womanizing was his full time job. At one time, he even had 3 girlfriends!!!! 1st golden rule of nurtured, no male figure in family.

At the age of 7, my mom caught me with my 2nd cousin in my bedroom playing with our dicks. She was of course furious and gave me a long lecture. She grounded me in her room for days. But this did not stop me as there were so many little adventures I had with my other cousins, uncles (the one of the same age) and neighbours. Initially starting with innocent wanking and sucking off session but at the age of 15, I had my first experience of anal sex. I then introduced it to the rest of my encounters. This time I learned to be extra careful of not being caught! Hence undeniable, for argument sake, I was nurtured into this gay world.

But let me tell u my first true encounter of attraction for man. When I was 4, my parent had a small sundry shop. We were staying in a small living quarter attached to the shop. This was during the period when my dad was still around. The bathroom of this living quarter was located a bit further away from the living quarter. One evening, I went to the bathroom to take my shower. I was expecting my brothers to be there to shower me but to my surprise my parent's shop assistant was there. He was this late teenage who was helping my parent around the shop. He saw me and offered to shower me. I agreed and which he did it in nude. That was the first time I saw a full nude male 'adult'. Even though he did not do anything to me but I had this tingle feeling all around me. I had no sexual desire then but it just made me feel good. Since then I wanted to see more! No one had installed that feeling in me. I just had it and still having it!

Many many years later my mom admitted that when she was expecting me, she wanted a girl. She went around and asked the so call 'experts' to determine my sex before my birth. All agreed that she was expecting a girl. My mom was so overjoyed that she decided to have all my clothing in pink and insisted that my cot to be painted pink. The prediction did not turn out as planned. I am a boy. But somehow, I am sure, all this had an influence on my sexuality.

I was a little bit effeminate when I was toddler and early age. Running around in bedsheets as a dress and tried makeup for fun. Due to society needs, I managed to straighten my mannerism but my sexuality stays.I had tried to makeout with girls but they were all flops. Whenever I was with a girl, I had to go through a checklist 'How to makeout with a woman'. First, hug her. Second, kiss her mouth. Third, Put your tongue in her mouth. Forth, caress her breast. Fifth, bla bla bla ..... It was not happening. But with a guy, there was never of a list or I can do it in the reverse order. Doing it with another man is natural to me.

Well, does it make me nurtured or nature? The society just want to dissect the issue and make you into a study. This would help them to solve the so call ill behaviour of our society. Bullshit! Why can't they just leave us fucking alone?!!

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