Nurtured or Nature?

I am sure you all have heard this over and over again. Many have argued and yet there is no answer to this question. Were we born gay or the world around us change us to be gay? Nurtured or nature?!!!!!

Well, let me tell u my side of the story. My dad was never there to be the male figure in the family. My family was like a single parent family. My mom had to look after all six of us and I might add she had done a bloody good job. My dad, on the other hand, went to the big city and enjoyed the lifestyle of a bachelor. Drinking, partying and womanizing was his full time job. At one time, he even had 3 girlfriends!!!! 1st golden rule of nurtured, no male figure in family.

At the age of 7, my mom caught me with my 2nd cousin in my bedroom playing with our dicks. She was of course furious and gave me a long lecture. She grounded me in her room for days. But this did not stop me as there were so many little adventures I had with my other cousins, uncles (the one of the same age) and neighbours. Initially starting with innocent wanking and sucking off session but at the age of 15, I had my first experience of anal sex. I then introduced it to the rest of my encounters. This time I learned to be extra careful of not being caught! Hence undeniable, for argument sake, I was nurtured into this gay world.

But let me tell u my first true encounter of attraction for man. When I was 4, my parent had a small sundry shop. We were staying in a small living quarter attached to the shop. This was during the period when my dad was still around. The bathroom of this living quarter was located a bit further away from the living quarter. One evening, I went to the bathroom to take my shower. I was expecting my brothers to be there to shower me but to my surprise my parent's shop assistant was there. He was this late teenage who was helping my parent around the shop. He saw me and offered to shower me. I agreed and which he did it in nude. That was the first time I saw a full nude male 'adult'. Even though he did not do anything to me but I had this tingle feeling all around me. I had no sexual desire then but it just made me feel good. Since then I wanted to see more! No one had installed that feeling in me. I just had it and still having it!

Many many years later my mom admitted that when she was expecting me, she wanted a girl. She went around and asked the so call 'experts' to determine my sex before my birth. All agreed that she was expecting a girl. My mom was so overjoyed that she decided to have all my clothing in pink and insisted that my cot to be painted pink. The prediction did not turn out as planned. I am a boy. But somehow, I am sure, all this had an influence on my sexuality.

I was a little bit effeminate when I was toddler and early age. Running around in bedsheets as a dress and tried makeup for fun. Due to society needs, I managed to straighten my mannerism but my sexuality stays.I had tried to makeout with girls but they were all flops. Whenever I was with a girl, I had to go through a checklist 'How to makeout with a woman'. First, hug her. Second, kiss her mouth. Third, Put your tongue in her mouth. Forth, caress her breast. Fifth, bla bla bla ..... It was not happening. But with a guy, there was never of a list or I can do it in the reverse order. Doing it with another man is natural to me.

Well, does it make me nurtured or nature? The society just want to dissect the issue and make you into a study. This would help them to solve the so call ill behaviour of our society. Bullshit! Why can't they just leave us fucking alone?!!

Blew my mind

I remember when I was young and love loitering around public toilets for a quicky. I'm sure so many had their own story for toilet adventures but I just thought I have to share this one.

There was this public toilet at a bus station that was cruisy and I frequent the place when I was young. There were always some horny bastards there. On that particular day, there was this ok looking middle age malay chap who tried to catch my attention. He went into the cubicle and gave me the indication to follow him in. I was so so so horny and that I did. When both of us were in the cubicle, he was already on his knees and was ready to give me a blow job. I whipped out my dick and let him have it.

WOW! Blew my mind away. Best blow I ever had. It was so good that I cum so fast. I just was so trilled until he but back his whole set of false teeth back into his month!!!!!! Oh my god! The guy was toothless ........ YUCK!

I did my BEST!

I had a relationship. At the beginning of the relationship, I was a bit spectical of the relationship. Me being the older one and he being the much younger one. I knew how it was to be young and free. I had my own fair share of experiences. I just did not believed that the relationship would work. But he insisted that it was what he wanted and convinced me that he was truly in love with me. I slowly fell for it and did fall in LOVE with him. This was so so easy for both of us as both of us share so much things in commom and also not forgetting we had wonderful love-making sessions.

I was so much in LOVE with him that I decided to give him my all for the relationship. I took the risk of introducing him to my family as my boyfriend and he was accepted, eventhough with great difficulty. He was the first boyfriend that I ever declared to my whole family. I just wanted him to be part of my family.

When any occasion arised, I made sure that I gave him a gift, however big or small it is. I knew I could not just cherished him with gifts, I then decided to give him what he wanted the most, his dream. I had to halt my own dream for him and adopt his dream as my dream. It was hard for both of us as the dream involved intricate power of persuation from many parties and many months of full-time work to materialise it. We finally materialised him dream and I was so happy for him. I thought I had won him heart totally to infinity and beyond.

But as time became my witness, this was not true. Being young, he knew he had better opportunity with new encounters. He just felt he should kept his options open till the time is right. Of course, I was not happy with it. We broke off.

We still meet up occationally and because I was still very much in love with him, I asked him if there is any other improvement that I could do for him to come back to me and be faithful. He told me that he wanted a beautiful body boyfriend.

And that is was I did, a new body! My new daily routine was to making sure that I was on a very strict diet and went to the gym regularly with extensive workout to tone down and shape up, all in the name of him. I must say I did acheived my goal.

I then arranged for a date with him just to show off my new body and was hoping that he would change his mind. Before meeting him, I made sure that I dressed up to emphasise my new change. We did meet up and he did realise my new body. I asked him if he like the new me and he then told me that he did not like men who are too buff up. What the FUCK!!!!

I guess I did my best but my best was not good enough.