Wednesday, August 13, 2008

The Wedding

I just back got from my friend’s wedding. It was a moving experience for me. I nearly cried at the akad nikah ceremony (wedding vows). The reason why was I was so moved by it was because he is the first of my closes gay friend that has committed to the holy matrimony. Congratulation boy!

As for me, I am not able to commit myself to the holy matrimony. I am a practicing Muslim with a twist. I enjoy living as gay man but believe in Allah, ar-Rahmeen, the Merciful. I pray to Him 5 times a day, fast in the holy month of Ramadhan, pay my zakat and had even performed my hajj. It was during my hajj that I 'confronted’ Him.

I was doing my sunnat tawaf going around the Kaabah. I was so close to the Kaabah that I was able to touch the wall. Right then I saw a young man carrying his child on his shoulder. With millions of pilgrimages, the father managed to balance his son on him and weaved himself closed to the wall of the Kaabah. I was behind him and was able to see his face, the face of contentment and pride of being able to bring his son close to the wall of Kaabah. You could actually see the glow in his face. Instantly, I shed tears seeing them. I realised that is something that I will never experience from being gay, the joy of being a father.

It was because of that incident I 'confronted’ Him at the door of Kaabah. I told Him that I did not choose being gay and I don’t blame Him, al-Khaalek, for me being gay. But he is al-Aleiym, the All Knowing, that my love for Him is undivided. I prayed to Him to show me a woman who I am sexually attracted to and only then I will marry her and will leave my homosexual practice. I will not marry a woman if I could not provide for her sexually. It would be living in a lie!

1 comment:

nakedwriter said...

hey you :)

i enjoy reading about how you reconcile religion with your sexuality, even if i sometimes don't agree.

keep it up and best wishes!