Patrick's Anniversary

Last December before leaving for Singapore for my usual annual birthday get away, me and my old good friend made a day trip to Klang. Our destination was Fairy Memorial Park. It was the anniversary of the demise of my late boyfriend, Patrick. I was there to do my yearly visit to see him at his resting place at the columbarium. It has been 5 years now and yet I still remember that very day.

It was 2003, my loving brother and few friends had organised a big surprise birthday bash for me. All of my friends were invited to it at a Turkish restaurant. Being Mr. Busybody myself, I knew all about it. I was all excited yet had to hide my excitement as it was a surprise.

The only problem was that my boyfriend, Patrick, was hospitalised then and no one knew about it. He was the type who did want to trouble anyone which, I respected his stand and understood him because if I was hospitalise myself I would have done the same thing.

On the day of my birthday, before I left for the hospital, he wanted me to bring the shaving kit. Rushing to the hospital that morning, I had totally forgotten to bring them to the hospital. He was so furious because this that we broke into an argument. I told him that it so irrelevant to shave because no one was going to visit him anyway. He was so insisting of a clean shave that day that I had to go down to the sundry shop at the hospital to buy them. When I went back up to him, I felt the guilt and helped to shave him.

After the argument, I told him of the surprise birthday party. He told me to enjoy myself that night and he asked me to create an excuse for him for not coming to the party and extend his love to everyone. That night, my birthday surprise bash turned out to more that I have expected. Almost all of my friends came but my thought was with Patrick who was in the hospital. I had to put up a happy façade for everyone that night.

At the party, my brother told me that one of the chefs at the restaurant knew how to do a reading from coffee residue. I was all excited about this and insisted that he was to do mine. The chef was called to our private party area and immediately after I ordered for my Turkish coffee. After following his instructions of how to drink the coffee, he read my future. Of many that he told me, one of the thing that I remembered was that he predicted that I had to go through a huge thing. I asked him if it was a bad or good thing and his answer was that it was not bad to me personally but it has a big effect on me. I don’t understand what that meant and I wanted him to clarify further but our communication was limited because of the language barrier and furthermore there were also others of my friends wanted their future read.

The following day, I was about to leave for the hospital around noon when I got a call from Patrick. He told me that he was being discharged and he sounded like he was full of life. His family was with him and he was going to stay with his family to recuperate. He told me not to come that day and to take a day rest because he knew that I had a late night the night before. I was fine with it and I told him that I will visit him at his family house the next day after my dim sum birthday brunch with my ex-collage mates from London.

Knowing that Patrick was discharged of the hospital, I managed to have a great time at my birthday dim sum brunch the next day. As we were leaving, I received a call from Patrick’s brother. He told me that Patrick was delirious and half conscious. Patrick was seeing vision of people waving at him across the river. His brother was explaining to me that that was a Chinese sign of near death vision. I obviously panicked and rushed straight away to Klang straight after.

Upon arriving to his family house, I found Patrick was indeed delirious. He was half conscious and was talking in Chinese to me. I had to shake him out of it and reminded him over and over again that he needed to speak to me in English or Malay. It took him a long while to gain conscious and to realise that I was actually there next him.

After he gained his conscious, I told him that he was delirious and he told me that he was feeling better. I then asked if he was hungry. He said yes and I called for his sister to bring out his food. The sister was in tears when she brought in the food. I had to take the tray from her and fed Patrick myself. After feeding him, Patrick wanted to go the toilet. With the help of his older brother, we carried him to the toilet and I cleaned him after because he was too weak to do it himself. I then gave him a body wipe and a change of clothing.

When we brought him back to his bed, with great effort he tried to be himself again. We chatted for a while and he then realised that it was already late at night. He told me that I should leave soon because it would be too late to travel as I was not driving. I did tell him earlier that I needed to go back home to get my change of clothing if I were to stay there until he was well. As usual he was more concerned about me than about himself. I told him that he needed his rest and was not to worry about me. I explained to him that I will leave soon after he has gone to sleep. He was nearly dozing off when I gave him a hug, kissed him and whispered to his ear that I love him. Immediately after that he closed his eyes and went to sleep with a smile. He looked so peaceful in his deep sleep.

His brother was sending me to the train station but decided to buy me dinner before I leave. We went to a stall not far away from the station. Just as we sat down and ordered our food, his brother received a call from his wife. She told us that Patrick was having problem breathing in his sleep and his youngest brother was on the other line calling for the ambulance. We immediately left the stall. Soon after we left, we received another call from the wife telling us to wait for the ambulance at the main road as they were not able to find the address. We waited and waited with anxiety. I was already panicking with a mix feeling of anger waiting for the bloody ambulance. Time did tick slowly when you have an anxiety attack. I even heard my heart beating so loudly because of that. We got another call from the house telling us that the ambulance had arrived. We rushed backed to the house. As soon as we arrived, I ran out of the car into the house. As I entered the room, the paramedic stood beside Patrick’s bed and he was slowly removing things from Patrick’s body while indicating through his body language that he was not able to do anything else for Patrick. A bust of anger came within me, I screaming at the Paramedic and blaming him for losing his way to the house was the cause of this. The paramedic did nothing and he only walked away. I was still not happy and was calling him names while running after him but thankfully Patrick’s family pulled me back. I then realised that I had left my poor Patrick alone. I ran back to his bedside with tears bursting from my eyes and there he was, my lifeless Patrick. My poor darling Patrick was dead.

In his open casket, Patrick had a smile and he looked serene with his clean shave. I still wonder if he knew that he was passing on that he had insisted on the shave on his last day at the hospital. Many of our friends who came told me that he looked peaceful. As for the crematory ceremony, the family was so thoughtful to include me as part of the family in the all the ceremony. They even asked me to choose his final resting place at the columbarium in the memorial park.

Back at home, where I had spent 5 wonderful years with Patrick, for many nights I had to cry to myself before I went to sleep. Every little thing reminded of Patrick. I felt alone even thought my friends were around me. Probably this was what the coffee fortune teller was trying to telling me about, a huge thing that I needed to go through was the passing of Patrick.

Today, I have managed to do a closure for this chapter of my life but not completely. Till today I felt the guilt of celebrating my birthday in a grand scale because it reminds me this chapter of my life. That was why I would prefer to run away to somewhere far on my birthday. I do pray that one day I can finally do a proper closure on this chapter and start another new wonderful chapter of my colourful life.

The Man

I see the man who makes me happy
Accepting who I am
without fear
without condition
without wanting to change me
Giving himself without demands

the man whose dream will also be mine
For this I share
without time
without boundaries
without care of what they say
Total surrender without regret

the man who I will cherish
My precious gem
without the glitz
without being glamorous
without trying too hard to try
I stand tall without humility

the man who I will be sincere to
Living the life
without lies
without the drama
without all the empty promises
My true self without the veil

the man who I fell in love with
Captured my heart
without a doubt
without any hesitation
without others to intervene
But here I am without him

Am Whorified

Have you experienced all avenue of satisfying your sexual adventure? Recently few of my friends have paid for sex. I am not sure was it because of their insecurity of their aging look to woo good looking men for sex or plainly their just can afford to do so. There is no attachment and you get your choice men to have sex with. What a cool deal I thought it was.

I was adamant to try this avenue of pleasure. A close friend of mine gladly directed me to the nearest brothel for manwhore around our area. The setup was at an old shop lot located at a very obscure corner of my township. As usual, I was oblivious of such place ever exit around my very own township. The establishment was on the second and third floor of the shop lot. Upon arriving there, I notice that it has no signage on it. How does one do business without business signage? Well, I guess it is all about word of mouth or maybe through the internet. I thought to myself that I’ll try to Google it later to check if it is on the internet but as for now I was all too excited for this new adventure.

The establishment had a typical brothel ambience to it, minimal cheap deco with dim lighting and was quite clean. They even had some scented candle burning. At the reception, an elderly Chinese man welcomed me with a big toothless smile. He offered me a cup of Chinese tea and then took out an album. I noticed that it was very thick album.

“Lu mau Melayu, Cina, India, Phillippino, Olang Putih atau Negro?”

“Wah! Lu ada semua kah?” I was at that point of time blushing.

“Lu cakap saja lah. Kita olang mesti ada punya. Lu boleh tengok itu album dulu lo.”

The whole discussion made me shy about it and so I decided to just flip through the album. The old Chinese was hovering me like a hawk. He was trying to study me while I was going through the album. If I spent more that 5 seconds on a page, the old man offered a comment on the manwhore.

“Itu Melayu pandai urut. Manyak bagus oh.”

“Dia baru sampai dari China. Manyak muda. Dia belajar di Universiti.”

“Itu Negro banyak besar. Lamai orang suka sama dia oh. Customer banyak booking dia.”

I have to say that the establishment did have a wide selection of men to offer. All of them were good looking and I did not know which one to choose. In the end, my selection was between a Malay boy from Trengganu and a Pakistani. Unfortunately my final choice was made was based on availability. The Malay boy was already with a client and the only available was the Pakistani.

After the ordeal of selection, I was showed to the room. The room had a double bed with PVC mattress, a small dim wall lighting, hanger for your clothing, a shared air-cond with the next room and a small shower cubicle. It had a sliding door to minimised space. Towels were already folded on the bed.

I was not sure of what to do. I just sat on the bed and waited for my manwhore. As the sliding door opened, I was getting more nervous. He walked into the room in a singlet and super short shorts. My eyes were feasting on his biceps and his very apparent huge bulge. I was in a dream world. He smiled at me. What a beautiful smile he had. A truly Adonis and he was all mine!

“Would you like me to help you with a shower?” he asked.

“Eh? Was I smelly”, I thought. He took off his top and went over to the bed. He unbuttoned my shirt while breathing over my neck. Nice! He took off my shirt and hanged it on the hanger. He pulled me to the shower area and undid my trousers. He turned on the shower and check for the temperature. My little brother was showing sign of excitement already. He stripped off his shorts and stepped into the shower while reaching out for me to follow him. Naturally, I did not hesitate. I can’t help noticing his beautiful big dick. He refused me touching his in the shower. Bloody teaser! He pushed me to the wall and soaped every inch of me. I enjoyed the pampering.

After shower, he towel dried me and lay me on the bed. I felt so lucky to have this sexy man with me. He pressed me on the bed and kissed me on the neck. He reached down to my nipples and further down to my brother. I was unable to restrain myself to get hold of his dick. I pushed him down to the bed and went straight to his dick. I blew him off ...

And guess what? He bloody CAME! It was only ONE bloody minute and he came! What sort of a manwhore is that? I thought I was the one who needed to be satisfied. Instead he came and I was left with a placid dick! The more annoying thing is that he did offer helping me to come after that. All he did was cleaned himself, bid goodbye and left the room. WTF! Was he the whore or was I whore?

What a F*%#ing WHORIFIED experience!

Tritiya-Prakriti

My darling sistar gave me a reference on an old Hindu culture to read Tritiya-Prakriti: People of the Third Sex By Amara Das Wilhelm on gay issue. I was overjoyed because it was an eye opener. I would like to share this with everyone.

People of the third can be found in the ancient Vedic literatures of India, which have thoroughly analyzed and recorded all aspects of human behavior and knowledge since time immemorial. Vedic literatures were written approximately five thousand years ago along with all other literatures in Kama Shastra or “codes of sensual pleasure.” Although commonly presented to Westerners in the format of an erotic sex manual, the actual unabridged Kama Sutra gives us a rare glimpse into the sexual understandings of ancient Vedic India.

Throughout Vedic literature, the sex or gender of the human being is clearly divided into three separate categories according to prakriti or nature. These are: pums-prakriti or male, stri-prakriti or female, and tritiya-prakriti or the third sex.

The third sex is described as a natural mixing or combination of the male and female natures to the point in which they can no longer be categorized as male or female in the traditional sense of the word. The example of mixing black and white paint can be used, wherein the resulting colour, gray, in all its many shades, can no longer be considered either black or white although it is simply a combination of both. People of the third sex are mentioned throughout Vedic literature in different ways due to their variety of manifestations. They were not expected to behave like ordinary heterosexual men and women or to assume their roles. In this way, the third-sex category served as an important tool for the recognition and accommodation of such persons within society.

People of the third sex are also classified under a larger social category known as the “neutral gender.” Its members are called napumsaka, or “those who do not engage in procreation. This non-reproductive category played an integral role in the balance of both human society and nature, similar to the way in which asexual bees play out their own particular roles in the operation of a hive. In Hinduism there are no accidents or errors, and everything in nature has a purpose, role, and reason for existence.

Vedic society was all encompassing, and each individual was seen as an integral part of the greater whole. Thus all classes of men were accommodated and engaged according to their nature. Third-gender citizens were neither persecuted nor denied basic rights. They were allowed to keep their own societies or town quarters, live together within marriage and engage in all means of livelihood. Gay men could either blend into society as ordinary males or they could dress and behave as females, living as transvestites. They are especially mentioned as being expert in dancing, singing and acting, as barbers or hairstylists, masseurs, and house servants. They were often used within the female sections of royal palaces and also engaged in various types of prostitution. Transvestites were invited to attend all birth, marriage, and religious ceremonies as their presence was a symbol of good luck and considered to be auspicious. This tradition still continues in India even today. Lesbians were known as svairini or independent women and were permitted to earn their own livelihood. They were not expected to accept a husband. Citizens of the third sex represented only a very small portion of the overall population, which most estimates place at approximately 5 percent. They were not perceived to be a threat in any way and were considered to be aloof from the ordinary attachments of procreation and family life. In this way they were awarded their own particular status and welcomed as a part of civilized Vedic society.

Congratulation Seksualiti Merdeka!

Upon the publication of their first article in local nationwide newspaper, The Star, I am ecstatic on the progress of homosexuality activist in Malaysia. Congratulation!

Love Compatible Signs

Astrology has intrigued me since I was young. Over many years of reading and applying it to my friends, I managed to understand the power of astrology. Personally, I do not adhere to the day-to-day astrological studies but more of the general one’s character personification.

I had promised few of my friends to do a simple chart on astrology. Finally, I managed to do it. Voilá! The charts;

Ars = Aries, Tau = Taurus, Gem = Gemini, Can = Cancer, Vir = Virgo, Lib = Libra, Sco = Scorpion, Sag = Sagittarius, Cap = Capricorn, Aqu = Aquarius, Pie = Pieces

Please note that if both of them are of the same star sign, then the relationship could be the best or the worst compatibility. This because one could accepts the mirror image of oneself or detest it altogether.

Rt = Rat, O = Ox, T = Tiger, Rb = Rabbit, Dn = Dragon, S = Snake, H = Horse, G = Goat, M = Monkey, Ro = Rooster, Dg = Dog, P = Pig