Older V Young

I looking for a LTR (long term relationship) but I am so confused. What am I looking for? Do I go for the older mature gay man or the young beautiful one?! For the sake of arguement, lets evalute both sides with quick pointers.

OLDER LOVER
>>Pros

• Matured
• Stable income
• Worldly and exposed
• Supportive emotionally
• Independent

>>Cons

• Fat & Ugly
• Less sexual desire
• Less athletic
• Not much fun
• Stubborn
• Require lots of personal space

YOUNGER LOVER
>>Pros

• Beautiful body
• Wild sex and frequent
• Energetic
• Fun and crazy
• Flexible

>>Cons

• Inmature conversation
• Financially instable
• Living in his own little world
• Emotionally dependant
• Too attached

(Stereotyping I might be but generally this is true and of course there are exceptional cases)

With these pointers, I am still not able to make up my mind on an older lover or a younger lover. Both seems to outweight each other on the pros and cons. This is such a difficult decision to be made.

But hold on, what the hell am I doing, I don't even have a boyfriend to start off with. Does it matter whether he is older or younger than me? I have to find one first lah!

Nurtured or Nature?

I am sure you all have heard this over and over again. Many have argued and yet there is no answer to this question. Were we born gay or the world around us change us to be gay? Nurtured or nature?!!!!!

Well, let me tell u my side of the story. My dad was never there to be the male figure in the family. My family was like a single parent family. My mom had to look after all six of us and I might add she had done a bloody good job. My dad, on the other hand, went to the big city and enjoyed the lifestyle of a bachelor. Drinking, partying and womanizing was his full time job. At one time, he even had 3 girlfriends!!!! 1st golden rule of nurtured, no male figure in family.

At the age of 7, my mom caught me with my 2nd cousin in my bedroom playing with our dicks. She was of course furious and gave me a long lecture. She grounded me in her room for days. But this did not stop me as there were so many little adventures I had with my other cousins, uncles (the one of the same age) and neighbours. Initially starting with innocent wanking and sucking off session but at the age of 15, I had my first experience of anal sex. I then introduced it to the rest of my encounters. This time I learned to be extra careful of not being caught! Hence undeniable, for argument sake, I was nurtured into this gay world.

But let me tell u my first true encounter of attraction for man. When I was 4, my parent had a small sundry shop. We were staying in a small living quarter attached to the shop. This was during the period when my dad was still around. The bathroom of this living quarter was located a bit further away from the living quarter. One evening, I went to the bathroom to take my shower. I was expecting my brothers to be there to shower me but to my surprise my parent's shop assistant was there. He was this late teenage who was helping my parent around the shop. He saw me and offered to shower me. I agreed and which he did it in nude. That was the first time I saw a full nude male 'adult'. Even though he did not do anything to me but I had this tingle feeling all around me. I had no sexual desire then but it just made me feel good. Since then I wanted to see more! No one had installed that feeling in me. I just had it and still having it!

Many many years later my mom admitted that when she was expecting me, she wanted a girl. She went around and asked the so call 'experts' to determine my sex before my birth. All agreed that she was expecting a girl. My mom was so overjoyed that she decided to have all my clothing in pink and insisted that my cot to be painted pink. The prediction did not turn out as planned. I am a boy. But somehow, I am sure, all this had an influence on my sexuality.

I was a little bit effeminate when I was toddler and early age. Running around in bedsheets as a dress and tried makeup for fun. Due to society needs, I managed to straighten my mannerism but my sexuality stays.I had tried to makeout with girls but they were all flops. Whenever I was with a girl, I had to go through a checklist 'How to makeout with a woman'. First, hug her. Second, kiss her mouth. Third, Put your tongue in her mouth. Forth, caress her breast. Fifth, bla bla bla ..... It was not happening. But with a guy, there was never of a list or I can do it in the reverse order. Doing it with another man is natural to me.

Well, does it make me nurtured or nature? The society just want to dissect the issue and make you into a study. This would help them to solve the so call ill behaviour of our society. Bullshit! Why can't they just leave us fucking alone?!!

Blew my mind

I remember when I was young and love loitering around public toilets for a quicky. I'm sure so many had their own story for toilet adventures but I just thought I have to share this one.

There was this public toilet at a bus station that was cruisy and I frequent the place when I was young. There were always some horny bastards there. On that particular day, there was this ok looking middle age malay chap who tried to catch my attention. He went into the cubicle and gave me the indication to follow him in. I was so so so horny and that I did. When both of us were in the cubicle, he was already on his knees and was ready to give me a blow job. I whipped out my dick and let him have it.

WOW! Blew my mind away. Best blow I ever had. It was so good that I cum so fast. I just was so trilled until he but back his whole set of false teeth back into his month!!!!!! Oh my god! The guy was toothless ........ YUCK!

I did my BEST!

I had a relationship. At the beginning of the relationship, I was a bit spectical of the relationship. Me being the older one and he being the much younger one. I knew how it was to be young and free. I had my own fair share of experiences. I just did not believed that the relationship would work. But he insisted that it was what he wanted and convinced me that he was truly in love with me. I slowly fell for it and did fall in LOVE with him. This was so so easy for both of us as both of us share so much things in commom and also not forgetting we had wonderful love-making sessions.

I was so much in LOVE with him that I decided to give him my all for the relationship. I took the risk of introducing him to my family as my boyfriend and he was accepted, eventhough with great difficulty. He was the first boyfriend that I ever declared to my whole family. I just wanted him to be part of my family.

When any occasion arised, I made sure that I gave him a gift, however big or small it is. I knew I could not just cherished him with gifts, I then decided to give him what he wanted the most, his dream. I had to halt my own dream for him and adopt his dream as my dream. It was hard for both of us as the dream involved intricate power of persuation from many parties and many months of full-time work to materialise it. We finally materialised him dream and I was so happy for him. I thought I had won him heart totally to infinity and beyond.

But as time became my witness, this was not true. Being young, he knew he had better opportunity with new encounters. He just felt he should kept his options open till the time is right. Of course, I was not happy with it. We broke off.

We still meet up occationally and because I was still very much in love with him, I asked him if there is any other improvement that I could do for him to come back to me and be faithful. He told me that he wanted a beautiful body boyfriend.

And that is was I did, a new body! My new daily routine was to making sure that I was on a very strict diet and went to the gym regularly with extensive workout to tone down and shape up, all in the name of him. I must say I did acheived my goal.

I then arranged for a date with him just to show off my new body and was hoping that he would change his mind. Before meeting him, I made sure that I dressed up to emphasise my new change. We did meet up and he did realise my new body. I asked him if he like the new me and he then told me that he did not like men who are too buff up. What the FUCK!!!!

I guess I did my best but my best was not good enough.

Valentine Day

It was all over the media. One can't ignore it even if one tried to do so. It was the St. Valentine Day itself.

So many had woo their love one on this day. Ordered roses, bought expensive chocolates, dined at fine restaurants and some proposed marriage on this romantic day. This is regardless of straight relationship or gay relationship, they all want to celebrate this V day.

But I have a funny story to tell.

I wanted to surprise my hansome potential boyfriend on this Valentine day. He is so my type and I wanted it to be perfect for him. It was planned that this is the nite I wanted to ask him formally for a long-term-relationship. I had made booking at a beautiful Italian restaurant. It was expensive but I was sure that it will worth every penny that I spent on it. I also bought red roses and a small box of expensive chocolate for him. I was so excited for the night to come.

I told him to meet at the city centre as the restaurant was walking distance from our meeting point. He knew we were on a Valentine date but he thought we were just going to have a simple dinner at the cafe around that area. When I met him, i gave him the roses and the chocolate. He was so embarassed as we were in the public. I swear his face nearly went red. Damn! That was a bad move. But he was nice enough to hide his embarassment and managed to pull a smile for me.

We then walked pass the cafes there. He asked me if we were having dinner or not, and I told him I have made a reservation at a restaurant a bit further down the road. He was OK with it. At the restaurant, we were ushed to our table. It was a none smoking table and hence it was in the centre of the restaurant. A table set for two with candle lights. A romantic setting but as we sit down we realised everyone was staring at us. Even the waiters were grinning at us. We were the only boy-date-boy in the centre of the restaurant and the other tables were all boy-date-girl. We were the centre of attention. My boy friend was so so embarassed now and he went red all the way. Damn again!

We had to finish our dinner quickly and had to leave the restaurant before dessert. We went out of the restaurant so fast that I did not managed to propose to him of the long-term-relationship with me. Damn again and again!

Man ... my romantic plan gone wrong and my wallet gone burst!

Cruel to be kind

It is amazing how difficult it is to hook up with someone for a date. But I found it is more difficult to un-hook oneself from it. How do one tell that person that one do not want to do anything that the person any more?

He is a nice guy and all but definitely not my type! What reason do I tell him for him to stop the sms-es and calls throughout the day till wee hour of the morning? One fact for sure is that I never uttered a word on me missing him and yet he goes on and on and on and on. Damn! What I got myself into. The word sayang (darling) is forever in his sms.

Earlier before dating, I told him that I was already in a relationship and he was the few men I was seeing on the side. He was ok with it as long as he get to see me once in while. We went dating a few time and I knew it was not working. I then told him that my boyfriend found out and I need to patch the relationship. He said he understood but he said he will wait for me still. I said I will not be calling or sms him any more but he will wait. Obviously, ignoring the calls and sms-es was the best remedy. But he assumed that I was too busy with my boyfriend and he would wait FOREVER! He stills sms .... oh my gowd!

I think I have to just hurt his feeling. I have to be cruel to be kind!

Long Holiday

Malaysia and her holidays! So many of them which sometime one wonders how one works in this country. This does not stop here. Each states has also its own holidays too. Due to this, last week was where both national holidays and state holidays met. From Monday to Thursday was declared official holidays for The State of Federal Territory. Some companys decided to take the whole week off!

I am generally not affected by this holiday thingy because I work free-lance from home. Holiday or no holiday mean nothing to me but it did affect my social life for last week.

One would assumed that most of the hard working city folks would take this opportunity to go off for a holiday to some exotic place. Surprisingly, the city was still happening. I went for gatherings, luncheon, dinners, gallery opening, partys, clubbing and most importantly DATES! Yup, dates ... with 4 different guys of different background. All 4 were availables and I had to scheduled them so thightly cuz my other social activities and obligation.

A friend of mine was so happy for me. He told me that after my break-up in my recent relationship, this is what i need i.e. to be back into the game. He also reminded me that St. Valentine's Day is just round the bent and I had a wide selection to choose from. Even thought I was not a big fan of celebrating V Day but I was agreeing with him.

Planning of the week schedule was crucial for all to run smooth. First had to slot the social obligation and followed slots for my dates. Then the other small uneventful social calls.

Anyway, the chronological events of last week was as follow;

Friday 27 January 2006
5.30pm - 8.00 pm
Date with Guy A, Accountant, 28 yrs old. He came over to my house. He was so so manja (affectionate). He had to be back early cuz he was leaving for Perak the next day. Had a great time.

9.00 pm - 2.30 am
Off to my gal friends house for card games with friends who were going off for holiday abroad for the week.

Saturday 28 January 2006
11.30pm - 3.30 pm
Date with Guy B, Assist. Manager of a Restaurant, 25 yrs old. Had lunch and we went to a sauna for a quickie. The reason why I don't want him back to my place is because this guy has fallen for me so so deeply. Calling me sayang (darling) and all. Not ready for that yet. I just wanna have fun!

5.30pm - 12.30am
Squash game with my dear friend. Great game it was. We had dinner outside and came back to my place to watch Tansamerica.

Sunday 29 January 2006
1.30am - 5.00am
Out clubbing with gay friends at Musictheque. Met one cute boy and danced with him. But did not ask for his number cuz I just got enough in my plate. Leave it for now. Will bump into him again if I play my card well. Also met my ex there but we were civiled to one another. I still find my ex to be damn cute. Hugged him for a short while for all time sake.

7.00pm - 11.00pm
Date with Guy C, Hairdresser 36 yrs old. Dinner at Bangsar and went back to his place. Sex was hot! But he was working the next day so I decided to go back to my own place after. I have no intention to wake up early the next day when he goes to work.

Monday 30 January 2006
Was supposed to have a BBQ do but was so lazy to go out! Spent time with my younger brother at home. He had his girlfriend over and I had time to know her better too.

8.00pm - 2.30am
At last managed to pull myself out from the comfort of my couch for the BBQ gay do at my friend place, a penthouse right smack in heart of the city with a 360 degree view of KL. When I arrived, everyone was still there. Plenty of food and beautiful young single boys. I just socialised casually and not 'fishing' at the young boys. One showed his interest but he was still a student at a local university and I thought he was a little bit under my age requirement.

Tuesday 31 January 2006
3.30pm - 10.30pm
Date with Guy D, Air Steward 37 yrs old. The date was at a sauna and dinner after. Can't bring him home too. He was also too clinging. He sms-ed so often. He even sms-ed me from UK and China when he was on the job. I only knew him for less than a week, he had already said that me miss me so much. WOW! And he is older than me.

Wednesday 1 February 2006
10.30 am - 7.30 pm
Had to wait for my dear friend to play squash. He had a very late nite the nite before and he only turned up at 2pm. While waiting for him, I met up with my neighbour who just got back home from his birthday trip in Manila. I also wanted to get Brokeback Mountain DVD him. As we were sitting at our cafe at our apartment, my dear friend came with thousands of apologies. We played squash and went out for late lunch. Bumped into the boy I met at Musictheque the saturday before. My dear friend asked for his number and he gave it. We came back to my place to watch Brokeback Mountain. Nice movie it was and my dear friend was near to tears.

8.30 pm - 12.30 pm 2 February 2006
My darling gay indian 'sister' had a small sit-down dinner at his place. Truely an indian experience from food to company. A quiet do but fun and informative.

Thursday 3 February 2006
1.00 pm - 9.00pm
Date with Guy A again. We had lunch and came back to my place. He was so romantic and nice. Even gave me a back message. I enjoyed him so much but before he left, he dropped the bomb on me. He has already have someone in his life and it was not another man but a woman. He was married!

Friday 4 February 2006
4.00 pm - 7.00pm
Date with Guy B. Again our date in the sauna. But I was already bored with him cuz he was already making plan of seeing his parent and a 'wedding'. Ya right! had to cut short the date by having a SOS from my neighbour.

9.00pm - 11.00pm
Followed my neighbour to one of our gay doctor friends house for dinner. His mother was there and had to be polite and straight-acting.

11.30pm - 2.30pm
Originally wanted to go to Frangi, gay nite on friday nite, but my neighbour and me were not in the mood. We went out for teh tarik to Hartamas Square instead with our gay stewards friends who were not flying.

Saturday 5 February 2006
10.00pm - 11.00pm
Date with Guy C. Had breakfast with him. Can't have any decent conversation with him other then about hairstylying or men. Am bored again. After that I rush to the pharmacist for my supplements. Was suppose to met up with my ex after but he fell from his backhandspring while training and hurted his neck!

2.00pm - 4.00pm
Had lunch with my neighbour, our doctor friend and a Sabahan gay friend at Bangsar. Bumped into my old collagemate. My friends were salivating him. So funny how I never did find him sexual or attractive at all and yet all three find him so gorgeous. This ex collagemate of mine never admit that he is gay to me but I frequently bumped into him at gay venues. I think it is just an unspoken thingy for both of us.

4.00pm - 7.00pm
Had a meeting with a potential client

8.30pm - 11.30pm
Went to a exhibition opening at my friend's gallery. Had my younger brother and his girl friend with me. Meet up with my beautiful gal friend and her friends there. We all went out for coffee after. One of my ex's friend turned up and joined us but as usual he was so afriad that I out-ed him cuz we were in a straight company.

Sunday
1.30am - 5.00am
Musictheque again with friends.

7.30pm - 9.00 pm
Invited to dinner by my other gay brother and his partner. Another small sit-down dinner of 5 people. So proper one lah and so BORING!

9.00pm - 3.00 pm
Gathering at my neighbour house to watch Juara Lagu 2005, an annual local song competition. Had a drag show at the tail-end of the nite!

That was my long week. But why do I bother writing about it down. To tell u that I had a packed week?!! No. But just to tell u that I had to planned my days with the slots of DATES in between.

Next question is .... Who is Mr. Valentine? To tell u the truth, NONE! Cuz none seems to cut the grid. Everyone of my date does not excite me in totality. Just a little bit here and a little there. But never a complete picture.

A friend once forwarded me a sms,'Do not look for the perfect one but to perfect the love with the not perfect one'. Does make sense to me but I JUST CAN'T!