Ralat Gay Boiz

Malawi gay couple pardon

2010-05-31T14:23:00.001+08:00

A gay couple jailed in Malawi after getting engaged have been pardoned by President Bingu wa Mutharika.

To read on at BBC News.

Ricky Martin is Gay

2010-03-30T14:23:00.002+08:00

On 29 March, 2010, Ricky Martin publicly revealed his sexuality, saying, “I am proud to say that I am a fortunate homosexual man. I am very blessed to be who I am.” …. And about time too!

It was so irony to get this news in the morning because just last night I was chatting with my partner of how closeted gay men deal with their frustration. They would excessively indulge themselves in either food, drinks, hobbies, religion or other things that they can divert their mind on. On Oprah there was this married guy who lost weight in hundreds of pounds and gained them all back again, a constant major battle with his weight. I sincerely think the real problem is that he is gay. A ‘straight’ friend of mine relentlessly drowned himself in alcohol. The rest of the gang suspects that he is gay and is not able to deal it. A relative of mine who is married with kids, and whom I know is gay, spends most of his free time on the golf course. Do these indulgences address the real issue? For how long can one suppress it, constantly fighting with oneself and living in a lie?

I remember during my student time, there was this retiree who was like a fixture and fitting at a gay bar that I frequented. Everyone there knew his story. After his retirement, he outed himself with his family. His wife left him after a messy divorce. His only son did want to talk to him because of the shame. At the age of 60+, he was old and lonely with very little retirement money left from his messy divorce. The only thing left for him to do was to spend most his time in that gay bar ogling over the young beautiful boys.

Not wanting to be like this guy, I came out to my friends. I was 25 years old then. I realised that I had wasted a third of my life living in a lie and I was not planning to waste the other two third.

At the age of 38, Ricky Martin finally came out to the world. I salute him and I do hope that he enjoys the rest of his life to the fullest with his adopted twin sons.

Prayers for Bobby

2010-03-08T15:04:00.006+08:00

Last weekend, I watched this amazingly moving movie on relationship of parent and gay son at a Malaysian gay activist movement as part of their 'Coming Out programme'. I highly recommend all gays to watch this if they plan to come out. Well done to Pang and friends at Seksualiti Merdeka!

Uploaded

2010-02-08T12:34:00.004+08:00

First Bollywood's Gay Kiss

2010-02-03T11:34:00.003+08:00

I have to say that Bollywood has gone really prgressive. In the movie Dunno Y will protray the first Bollywood's gay kiss. Must catch this movie in May.

Man In Uniform

2010-01-21T15:51:00.001+08:00

Recently, this picture was sent to me for a laugh but it reminds me of my own personal experience a few years ago. I was at the airport and was about to fly back to K.L. As usual all passengers have to go through stringent security. At the metal detector, I removed everything on me that was metal and put in my bag to be examined under the x-ray. Unfortunately, the metal detector still beeped as I passed through it. A stern looking security man came around and did a body search on me. Funnily, he took his time and was overly physical doing it, especially around the crouch area. I must say, he, being local at the land I was at, did look damn hot in that bloody tight uniform and was very macho with a pair of sexy piercing eyes. I thought nothing of it but just smiled at him. He glared at me with a very strict authoritarian look.

After going through the body search incident, I had plenty of time before boarding. I browsed around the duty-free shops and then I went for a puff at the smoking section. As I was about to finish my cigarette, the same security man who did the body search on me walked next to the smoking section. Through the window he saw me and again gave me the same piercing look. Again, all I managed was a sincere smile. After my cigarette, I went straight to the toilet, which was not far away from the smoking section. I went to the urinal at the far end of the toilet. To my surprise, the same security man came and took the urinal next to me. There were so many urinals in the toilet and yet he still wanted to take a leak next to me. To my surprise, the security man was actually checking me out. You are kidding me right! I just stood still. He angled himself so that he was showing me his. He was definitely excited. I can’t believe my luck! After looking around for clearance, he cautiously reached out for my dick and stroked me. I was in heaven.

He then gave me an indication to go to the cubicle. I was still in the dazed. He zipped up and led the way into the cubicle. Obviously, I followed him even thought I was so fucking nervous. Locked in the cubicle, he unzipped me and then he stroked me again. When I about to reach down for his zipper, he abruptly stopped me with his hand. He looked at me and said with a smug, ‘Fifty buck first and then we can do it.’

W.T.F.!!!

2009-07-08T15:47:00.000+08:00

It seems every day since that day is a better day from the day before.

Baba dan Adek

2009-07-02T15:44:00.001+08:00

Ari tu Baba penat balik keje. Mama tak balik lagi. Baba suruh Adek buatkan kopi dan dia terus pergi mandi. Adek bancuhkan kopi susu Baba dan terus hantar ke bilik Baba. Masa tu Baba dah mandi dan Baba pakai sarung saja. Adek pun letak lah kopi susu Baba kat meja tepi katil Baba.

Baba minta Adek urut belakang Baba. Cian Baba penat. Adek pun naik atas belakang Baba yang meniarap di atas katil. Badan Baba besar dan Adek terpaksa menggunakan selurug tenaga Adek untuk mengurut Baba. Entah macam mana sarong Bapa terlepas dan Adek ternampak buntut Baba. Adek pun buat macam biasa je tetapi isi hati Adek macam lain macam. Adek rasa nak stim tapi Adek terpaksa menahankan nafsu Adek.

Lama jugak Adek mengurut belakang Baba, nafsu Adek semaking menggelegak di dalam. Adek tak tahan lagi, Adek nak sangat tengok konek Baba. Adek pun suruh lah Baba pusing depan. Baba terkejut dan dgn marahnya Baba berkata, ‘Kau nak buat nie? Sudah le tu! Baba dah ok nie. Apa lah nak jadi dengan kau nie? Lebih baik kau pergi main bola dengan kawan-kawan kau kat padang tu.’ Baba macam tahu je apa niat di dalam hati Adek. Adek cepat-cepat keluar rumah menangis. Adek malu!

Satu minggu Adek tak berani nak bersemuka dengan Baba. Mama tanya jugak kenapa dengan Adek tapi Adek terpaksa berpura-pura yang Adek bizi sebab banyak homework sekolah yang tak siap lagi.

2009-07-01T14:34:00.002+08:00

I would prove to men how wrong they are to think that they
stop falling in love as they get older, since they actually start
getting older as soon as they stop falling in love..

apparently by Gabriel Garcia Marquez

A Small Note Pad

2009-06-19T17:22:00.003+08:00

Feeling alone and horny, I made a stop at my regular sauna hangout. Hunting and being hunted is the game there. As I was shedding my jeans and t-shirt, I saw a cute boy walking passed me. I quickly wrapped myself into my towel and hurried looking for him. To my disappointment, he was nowhere to be seen. Someone might have got to him first. Damn!

It was when I was having my cigarette at the open-aired courtyard that I saw him again. He saw me and he had that cheeky smile on him. Jackpot! I knew that he was interested. He walked passed me towards his group of friends while stealing short glimpses at me. I smiled and he smiled back. As he sat down with his friends, I realised that his friends was using the sign language to communicate. Emmmmm … so he was either deaf or dump. Does that make any different to me? Obviously NOT, blame it all on my hormone.

I knew that the boy was telling his friends that I was making an eye at him. Even if you do not know sign language, you would be able to guess what they are talking about especially when fingers were pointed and there were occasional stares towards you. Suddenly, there was like a huge invisible fly swapper striking them, the rest of his friends just ‘flew off’ leaving the piece of meat out in the open. The tiger went in for the kill. Ha ha …. Not that vicious lah.

I went and sat next to him. He instantly whipped out a small note pad and wrote on it. I answered back by writing. This writing back and forth went on for quite some time. He was quite an intelligent boy after all but most importantly he was so damn cute and my loin was screaming! In the end I asked him to follow me back to my place. He agreed and I was so overjoyed to have him all to myself.

No time was wasted when we arrived at my place. I lead him straight into my bedroom. It was a hot night and I had to open the window because my bedroom did not have aircon. He was lying on the bed, spreading himself all ready for me. I didn’t need that small note pad to know that he was ready. Go for the kill! He was damn good at foreplay. I was so turned on that I had to turn him around. I had to fuck him real good. He was taking it all so damn well and his body language was showing me that he enjoyed it. Ah! No need of that small note pad here.

All of the sudden, he screamed on top of his lung as if in pain and being bashed up by some bully. WTF! He was expressing his orgasmic moment. Obviously he did not know how loud he was but my fucking neighbours would have heard all this as the windows were wide open. I panicked and that moment of time I needed to tell him to keep it down but where the fuck is that small note pad! The funny thing is, during my state of panic, that simple international sign language that everyone knows to silence is to put your index finger on the lips and this, I was not able to remember at that FUCKING moment of time.

The Confession

2009-06-05T16:34:00.001+08:00

Forgive me father for I have sin

All mighty I was that’s where I begin
Zealous at first completely I’m in
Love and passion broke by nothing
Anticipation of challenge came within
With strength and endurance I promise him

All said and done I did my best
Reaching a threshold at pinnacle of my test
What future holds if I see no progress?
In that bleak moment I gave it a rest
I shun away for my heart is in a mess

Forgive me father for this is my sin

Birthday Wish

2009-03-04T17:32:00.000+08:00

I have been praying for in vain
A simple man to take away my pain
From heaven above down you came
My saviour, my angel and my saint
God have answered without disdain
I welcomed you without a shame
Undying love with all the flame
The future together for us to claim

(Shaq @ Kuala Lumpur, 22 Dec 2008)

The Multimillion Project Queen

2009-02-24T17:48:00.000+08:00

I have heard from my friends of their many sex adventures. Adventures like having sex with a total stranger at the back of a bus or on the moving train or high up in the airplane, getting free taxi ride by offering sex to the taxi driver, making out with a room delivery personnel at a hotel, seducing drunken lorry driver at a cheap hotel, going down on a policeman who wanted to issue him a summon and so forth. However, this to me is the most interesting of them all.

My friend, Andrew, cruised at construction site. What he did was he sneaked into the multimillion construction site at late night. He usually brought with him lipstick and compact powder but dressed straight. After locating the open air bath room, he settled himself not far away from it discreetly yet quite visible from the foreign construction workers who are cleaning themselves after a hard day work. As the worker took notice of him, he took out his lipstick and colour his lips. Then he casually made a few pats with the compact powder. Amazingly these actions did excite the foreign construction workers who are obviously had not had sex with any woman for a very long long while. Voilá! Free sex with straight men!

The reason why it had to be at a multimillion construction site is because, Andrew explained, there would be more selection of men and the staff turnover is high. Because of this, we used to call Andrew the Multimillion Project Queen.

Patrick's Anniversary

2009-02-18T13:04:00.002+08:00

Last December before leaving for Singapore for my usual annual birthday get away, me and my old good friend made a day trip to Klang. Our destination was Fairy Memorial Park. It was the anniversary of the demise of my late boyfriend, Patrick. I was there to do my yearly visit to see him at his resting place at the columbarium. It has been 5 years now and yet I still remember that very day.

It was 2003, my loving brother and few friends had organised a big surprise birthday bash for me. All of my friends were invited to it at a Turkish restaurant. Being Mr. Busybody myself, I knew all about it. I was all excited yet had to hide my excitement as it was a surprise.

The only problem was that my boyfriend, Patrick, was hospitalised then and no one knew about it. He was the type who did want to trouble anyone which, I respected his stand and understood him because if I was hospitalise myself I would have done the same thing.

On the day of my birthday, before I left for the hospital, he wanted me to bring the shaving kit. Rushing to the hospital that morning, I had totally forgotten to bring them to the hospital. He was so furious because this that we broke into an argument. I told him that it so irrelevant to shave because no one was going to visit him anyway. He was so insisting of a clean shave that day that I had to go down to the sundry shop at the hospital to buy them. When I went back up to him, I felt the guilt and helped to shave him.

After the argument, I told him of the surprise birthday party. He told me to enjoy myself that night and he asked me to create an excuse for him for not coming to the party and extend his love to everyone. That night, my birthday surprise bash turned out to more that I have expected. Almost all of my friends came but my thought was with Patrick who was in the hospital. I had to put up a happy façade for everyone that night.

At the party, my brother told me that one of the chefs at the restaurant knew how to do a reading from coffee residue. I was all excited about this and insisted that he was to do mine. The chef was called to our private party area and immediately after I ordered for my Turkish coffee. After following his instructions of how to drink the coffee, he read my future. Of many that he told me, one of the thing that I remembered was that he predicted that I had to go through a huge thing. I asked him if it was a bad or good thing and his answer was that it was not bad to me personally but it has a big effect on me. I don’t understand what that meant and I wanted him to clarify further but our communication was limited because of the language barrier and furthermore there were also others of my friends wanted their future read.

The following day, I was about to leave for the hospital around noon when I got a call from Patrick. He told me that he was being discharged and he sounded like he was full of life. His family was with him and he was going to stay with his family to recuperate. He told me not to come that day and to take a day rest because he knew that I had a late night the night before. I was fine with it and I told him that I will visit him at his family house the next day after my dim sum birthday brunch with my ex-collage mates from London.

Knowing that Patrick was discharged of the hospital, I managed to have a great time at my birthday dim sum brunch the next day. As we were leaving, I received a call from Patrick’s brother. He told me that Patrick was delirious and half conscious. Patrick was seeing vision of people waving at him across the river. His brother was explaining to me that that was a Chinese sign of near death vision. I obviously panicked and rushed straight away to Klang straight after.

Upon arriving to his family house, I found Patrick was indeed delirious. He was half conscious and was talking in Chinese to me. I had to shake him out of it and reminded him over and over again that he needed to speak to me in English or Malay. It took him a long while to gain conscious and to realise that I was actually there next him.

After he gained his conscious, I told him that he was delirious and he told me that he was feeling better. I then asked if he was hungry. He said yes and I called for his sister to bring out his food. The sister was in tears when she brought in the food. I had to take the tray from her and fed Patrick myself. After feeding him, Patrick wanted to go the toilet. With the help of his older brother, we carried him to the toilet and I cleaned him after because he was too weak to do it himself. I then gave him a body wipe and a change of clothing.

When we brought him back to his bed, with great effort he tried to be himself again. We chatted for a while and he then realised that it was already late at night. He told me that I should leave soon because it would be too late to travel as I was not driving. I did tell him earlier that I needed to go back home to get my change of clothing if I were to stay there until he was well. As usual he was more concerned about me than about himself. I told him that he needed his rest and was not to worry about me. I explained to him that I will leave soon after he has gone to sleep. He was nearly dozing off when I gave him a hug, kissed him and whispered to his ear that I love him. Immediately after that he closed his eyes and went to sleep with a smile. He looked so peaceful in his deep sleep.

His brother was sending me to the train station but decided to buy me dinner before I leave. We went to a stall not far away from the station. Just as we sat down and ordered our food, his brother received a call from his wife. She told us that Patrick was having problem breathing in his sleep and his youngest brother was on the other line calling for the ambulance. We immediately left the stall. Soon after we left, we received another call from the wife telling us to wait for the ambulance at the main road as they were not able to find the address. We waited and waited with anxiety. I was already panicking with a mix feeling of anger waiting for the bloody ambulance. Time did tick slowly when you have an anxiety attack. I even heard my heart beating so loudly because of that. We got another call from the house telling us that the ambulance had arrived. We rushed backed to the house. As soon as we arrived, I ran out of the car into the house. As I entered the room, the paramedic stood beside Patrick’s bed and he was slowly removing things from Patrick’s body while indicating through his body language that he was not able to do anything else for Patrick. A bust of anger came within me, I screaming at the Paramedic and blaming him for losing his way to the house was the cause of this. The paramedic did nothing and he only walked away. I was still not happy and was calling him names while running after him but thankfully Patrick’s family pulled me back. I then realised that I had left my poor Patrick alone. I ran back to his bedside with tears bursting from my eyes and there he was, my lifeless Patrick. My poor darling Patrick was dead.

In his open casket, Patrick had a smile and he looked serene with his clean shave. I still wonder if he knew that he was passing on that he had insisted on the shave on his last day at the hospital. Many of our friends who came told me that he looked peaceful. As for the crematory ceremony, the family was so thoughtful to include me as part of the family in the all the ceremony. They even asked me to choose his final resting place at the columbarium in the memorial park.

Back at home, where I had spent 5 wonderful years with Patrick, for many nights I had to cry to myself before I went to sleep. Every little thing reminded of Patrick. I felt alone even thought my friends were around me. Probably this was what the coffee fortune teller was trying to telling me about, a huge thing that I needed to go through was the passing of Patrick.

Today, I have managed to do a closure for this chapter of my life but not completely. Till today I felt the guilt of celebrating my birthday in a grand scale because it reminds me this chapter of my life. That was why I would prefer to run away to somewhere far on my birthday. I do pray that one day I can finally do a proper closure on this chapter and start another new wonderful chapter of my colourful life.

The Man

2008-11-23T14:16:00.005+08:00

I see the man who makes me happy
Accepting who I am
without fear
without condition
without wanting to change me
Giving himself without demands

the man whose dream will also be mine
For this I share
without time
without boundaries
without care of what they say
Total surrender without regret

the man who I will cherish
My precious gem
without the glitz
without being glamorous
without trying too hard to try
I stand tall without humility

the man who I will be sincere to
Living the life
without lies
without the drama
without all the empty promises
My true self without the veil

the man who I fell in love with
Captured my heart
without a doubt
without any hesitation
without others to intervene
But here I am without him

Am Whorified

2008-11-18T14:08:00.000+08:00

Have you experienced all avenue of satisfying your sexual adventure? Recently few of my friends have paid for sex. I am not sure was it because of their insecurity of their aging look to woo good looking men for sex or plainly their just can afford to do so. There is no attachment and you get your choice men to have sex with. What a cool deal I thought it was.

I was adamant to try this avenue of pleasure. A close friend of mine gladly directed me to the nearest brothel for manwhore around our area. The setup was at an old shop lot located at a very obscure corner of my township. As usual, I was oblivious of such place ever exit around my very own township. The establishment was on the second and third floor of the shop lot. Upon arriving there, I notice that it has no signage on it. How does one do business without business signage? Well, I guess it is all about word of mouth or maybe through the internet. I thought to myself that I’ll try to Google it later to check if it is on the internet but as for now I was all too excited for this new adventure.

The establishment had a typical brothel ambience to it, minimal cheap deco with dim lighting and was quite clean. They even had some scented candle burning. At the reception, an elderly Chinese man welcomed me with a big toothless smile. He offered me a cup of Chinese tea and then took out an album. I noticed that it was very thick album.

“Lu mau Melayu, Cina, India, Phillippino, Olang Putih atau Negro?”

“Wah! Lu ada semua kah?” I was at that point of time blushing.

“Lu cakap saja lah. Kita olang mesti ada punya. Lu boleh tengok itu album dulu lo.”

The whole discussion made me shy about it and so I decided to just flip through the album. The old Chinese was hovering me like a hawk. He was trying to study me while I was going through the album. If I spent more that 5 seconds on a page, the old man offered a comment on the manwhore.

“Itu Melayu pandai urut. Manyak bagus oh.”

“Dia baru sampai dari China. Manyak muda. Dia belajar di Universiti.”

“Itu Negro banyak besar. Lamai orang suka sama dia oh. Customer banyak booking dia.”

I have to say that the establishment did have a wide selection of men to offer. All of them were good looking and I did not know which one to choose. In the end, my selection was between a Malay boy from Trengganu and a Pakistani. Unfortunately my final choice was made was based on availability. The Malay boy was already with a client and the only available was the Pakistani.

After the ordeal of selection, I was showed to the room. The room had a double bed with PVC mattress, a small dim wall lighting, hanger for your clothing, a shared air-cond with the next room and a small shower cubicle. It had a sliding door to minimised space. Towels were already folded on the bed.

I was not sure of what to do. I just sat on the bed and waited for my manwhore. As the sliding door opened, I was getting more nervous. He walked into the room in a singlet and super short shorts. My eyes were feasting on his biceps and his very apparent huge bulge. I was in a dream world. He smiled at me. What a beautiful smile he had. A truly Adonis and he was all mine!

“Would you like me to help you with a shower?” he asked.

“Eh? Was I smelly”, I thought. He took off his top and went over to the bed. He unbuttoned my shirt while breathing over my neck. Nice! He took off my shirt and hanged it on the hanger. He pulled me to the shower area and undid my trousers. He turned on the shower and check for the temperature. My little brother was showing sign of excitement already. He stripped off his shorts and stepped into the shower while reaching out for me to follow him. Naturally, I did not hesitate. I can’t help noticing his beautiful big dick. He refused me touching his in the shower. Bloody teaser! He pushed me to the wall and soaped every inch of me. I enjoyed the pampering.

After shower, he towel dried me and lay me on the bed. I felt so lucky to have this sexy man with me. He pressed me on the bed and kissed me on the neck. He reached down to my nipples and further down to my brother. I was unable to restrain myself to get hold of his dick. I pushed him down to the bed and went straight to his dick. I blew him off ...

And guess what? He bloody CAME! It was only ONE bloody minute and he came! What sort of a manwhore is that? I thought I was the one who needed to be satisfied. Instead he came and I was left with a placid dick! The more annoying thing is that he did offer helping me to come after that. All he did was cleaned himself, bid goodbye and left the room. WTF! Was he the whore or was I whore?

What a F*%#ing WHORIFIED experience!

Tritiya-Prakriti

2008-10-16T23:57:00.002+08:00

My darling sistar gave me a reference on an old Hindu culture to read Tritiya-Prakriti: People of the Third Sex By Amara Das Wilhelm on gay issue. I was overjoyed because it was an eye opener. I would like to share this with everyone.

People of the third can be found in the ancient Vedic literatures of India, which have thoroughly analyzed and recorded all aspects of human behavior and knowledge since time immemorial. Vedic literatures were written approximately five thousand years ago along with all other literatures in Kama Shastra or “codes of sensual pleasure.” Although commonly presented to Westerners in the format of an erotic sex manual, the actual unabridged Kama Sutra gives us a rare glimpse into the sexual understandings of ancient Vedic India.

Throughout Vedic literature, the sex or gender of the human being is clearly divided into three separate categories according to prakriti or nature. These are: pums-prakriti or male, stri-prakriti or female, and tritiya-prakriti or the third sex.

The third sex is described as a natural mixing or combination of the male and female natures to the point in which they can no longer be categorized as male or female in the traditional sense of the word. The example of mixing black and white paint can be used, wherein the resulting colour, gray, in all its many shades, can no longer be considered either black or white although it is simply a combination of both. People of the third sex are mentioned throughout Vedic literature in different ways due to their variety of manifestations. They were not expected to behave like ordinary heterosexual men and women or to assume their roles. In this way, the third-sex category served as an important tool for the recognition and accommodation of such persons within society.

People of the third sex are also classified under a larger social category known as the “neutral gender.” Its members are called napumsaka, or “those who do not engage in procreation. This non-reproductive category played an integral role in the balance of both human society and nature, similar to the way in which asexual bees play out their own particular roles in the operation of a hive. In Hinduism there are no accidents or errors, and everything in nature has a purpose, role, and reason for existence.

Vedic society was all encompassing, and each individual was seen as an integral part of the greater whole. Thus all classes of men were accommodated and engaged according to their nature. Third-gender citizens were neither persecuted nor denied basic rights. They were allowed to keep their own societies or town quarters, live together within marriage and engage in all means of livelihood. Gay men could either blend into society as ordinary males or they could dress and behave as females, living as transvestites. They are especially mentioned as being expert in dancing, singing and acting, as barbers or hairstylists, masseurs, and house servants. They were often used within the female sections of royal palaces and also engaged in various types of prostitution. Transvestites were invited to attend all birth, marriage, and religious ceremonies as their presence was a symbol of good luck and considered to be auspicious. This tradition still continues in India even today. Lesbians were known as svairini or independent women and were permitted to earn their own livelihood. They were not expected to accept a husband. Citizens of the third sex represented only a very small portion of the overall population, which most estimates place at approximately 5 percent. They were not perceived to be a threat in any way and were considered to be aloof from the ordinary attachments of procreation and family life. In this way they were awarded their own particular status and welcomed as a part of civilized Vedic society.

Congratulation Seksualiti Merdeka!

2008-09-14T13:28:00.004+08:00

Upon the publication of their first article in local nationwide newspaper, The Star, I am ecstatic on the progress of homosexuality activist in Malaysia. Congratulation!

Love Compatible Signs

2008-09-14T12:46:00.006+08:00

Astrology has intrigued me since I was young. Over many years of reading and applying it to my friends, I managed to understand the power of astrology. Personally, I do not adhere to the day-to-day astrological studies but more of the general one’s character personification.

I had promised few of my friends to do a simple chart on astrology. Finally, I managed to do it. Voilá! The charts;

Ars = Aries, Tau = Taurus, Gem = Gemini, Can = Cancer, Vir = Virgo, Lib = Libra, Sco = Scorpion, Sag = Sagittarius, Cap = Capricorn, Aqu = Aquarius, Pie = Pieces

Please note that if both of them are of the same star sign, then the relationship could be the best or the worst compatibility. This because one could accepts the mirror image of oneself or detest it altogether.

Rt = Rat, O = Ox, T = Tiger, Rb = Rabbit, Dn = Dragon, S = Snake, H = Horse, G = Goat, M = Monkey, Ro = Rooster, Dg = Dog, P = Pig

Rate yourself in the Month of Ramadhan

2008-08-29T17:38:00.005+08:00

We welcome back the month of Ramadhan. Muslims all over the world are geared up to fast for whole month. But what about the gay Muslims? Let see if you fall in which category;

Totally Devout
• No eating or drinking from dawn to dusk
• Abstain from sex the whole month
• Solat Terawih at night

Moderately Devout
• No eating or drinking from dawn to dusk
• Sex at night time
• Solat Terawih at night

Questionably Devout
• No eating or drinking from dawn to dusk
• Sex at night time but cruises the toilets in day time to give hand job to others
• Maybe solat Terawih at night

Non Devout
• Do not fast at all
• Sex any time of the day
• Never solat at all

Weekend in Kuala Lumpur

2008-08-18T14:17:00.002+08:00

Bangkok maybe the Mecca for gay holiday destination in South East Asia but Kuala Lumpur does have its own to offer. This was enlightened to me by my Phillipino friend who has been residing in Singapore. He told me that he was bored with Singapore and needed a quick get-away trip. Kuala Lumpur was his choice as it is not too far away and does offer him want he seeks. His itinerary was;

Thursday afternoon: Arriving KL & Massage at Sempurna Avenue
Thursday evening: Cruising at Tasik Permaisuri
Friday Morning: Gym at California Fitness, Midvalley
Friday Afternoon: Sauna at Chakran
Friday Evening: Clubbing at La Queen
Saturday Morning: Hangover
Saturday Afternoon: Sauna at Otot-Otot
Saturday Night: Clubbing at Market Place
Sunday Morning: Departure

Of course I do know all these places but never in my wildest dream that Kuala Lumpur can be a pink money holiday destination.

The Wedding

2008-08-13T16:51:00.005+08:00

I just back got from my friend’s wedding. It was a moving experience for me. I nearly cried at the akad nikah ceremony (wedding vows). The reason why was I was so moved by it was because he is the first of my closes gay friend that has committed to the holy matrimony. Congratulation boy!

As for me, I am not able to commit myself to the holy matrimony. I am a practicing Muslim with a twist. I enjoy living as gay man but believe in Allah, ar-Rahmeen, the Merciful. I pray to Him 5 times a day, fast in the holy month of Ramadhan, pay my zakat and had even performed my hajj. It was during my hajj that I 'confronted’ Him.

I was doing my sunnat tawaf going around the Kaabah. I was so close to the Kaabah that I was able to touch the wall. Right then I saw a young man carrying his child on his shoulder. With millions of pilgrimages, the father managed to balance his son on him and weaved himself closed to the wall of the Kaabah. I was behind him and was able to see his face, the face of contentment and pride of being able to bring his son close to the wall of Kaabah. You could actually see the glow in his face. Instantly, I shed tears seeing them. I realised that is something that I will never experience from being gay, the joy of being a father.

It was because of that incident I 'confronted’ Him at the door of Kaabah. I told Him that I did not choose being gay and I don’t blame Him, al-Khaalek, for me being gay. But he is al-Aleiym, the All Knowing, that my love for Him is undivided. I prayed to Him to show me a woman who I am sexually attracted to and only then I will marry her and will leave my homosexual practice. I will not marry a woman if I could not provide for her sexually. It would be living in a lie!

On being honest

2008-07-16T13:46:00.003+08:00

"Always speak the truth, even if it is bitter." (Baihaqi)

The word honest comes from the Latin word which means honourable. In my dictionary it is defined as "free from fraud and deception, genuine, real, humble, plain, reputable, respectable, frank, innocent, simple." And these are all things that Muslim homosexuals are asked not to be by the Muslim community that insists we be dishonest about our sexuality.

The Buddha, talking to his son Rahula in a famous Buddhist text known as the Ambalatthika Rahulovada Sutta, says: "Therefore, Rahula, you should train thus: 'I shall not utter a falsehood even in jest'".

In commenting on this encounter between the Buddha and his son, translator Nyanamoli says, "If one wishes to train in Dhamma (Buddhism), which is the way of truth and straightforwardness, then it is no good to have a deceiving mind and worse to speak words which may deceive others."

In Toward Understanding Islam, Abul A'la Mawdudi says, "Islam has strictly forbidden the telling of a lie in any shape or form, for lies sully the liar, harm other people and become a source of menace to society."

Muslim homosexuals are confronted with a paradox: we are told, on the one hand, that honesty and truthfulness are the only proper course of action for any Muslim. We are told that lies become a "source of menace to society". But on the other hand, we are told that such honesty and truthfulness about our homosexuality is not necessary, that, in fact, the Muslim world does not want to know the truth about our homosexuality. Those of us who do try to speak about it are accused of "advertising" our personal "sin" and we are held in twice the contempt.
Still, I was taught from a young age that truth was preferable to dishonesty, that telling the truth was always to be preferred to telling a lie. I see no good reason to change that policy now simply because some people are uncomfortable with truth.

Honesty is so central to authentic spirituality that no dishonest person could ever hope to carry on a relationship with the Ultimate Truth Itself while living in a state of continuous dishonesty. The two are mutually exclusive. How could I get down on my knees before Allah everyday during prayer and then go out into the world and lead a life of deceit and dishonesty, which is exactly what I have to do when I pretend that I am not a homosexual? Who am I fooling? Allah? Certainly not.

Is there a need for my honesty about homosexuality?

You might argue rather convincingly that such things are best left unsaid, that it's a personal matter between me and my God, that I should keep quiet about it out of respect for the sensibilities of others.

Such a course of action, however, is really a denial of who and what I am, and yet one more form of condemnation. It is a message that says my homosexuality is so shameful and disgraceful that not speaking about it is the best course of action, that silence is the only appropriate response.
How can my needs be met when I am not even free to say what they are?

It's a bit of a spiritual cruelty to demand that homosexuals be dishonest, to praise honesty in others but condemn homosexuals for it. Why should anyone be so shamed of what they are that they would even consider trying to cover it up and pretend to be something different? A homosexual, after all, is not a Nazi war criminal, or a child molester, or a mass murderer. Why should he be so shamed, and so ashamed, that a life of deception seems the only possible course?

In Teach Yourself Islam, we are presented with a list of human rights, as expressed in the Qur'an and hadith, which include the right to equality, the right to freedom, the right to freedom of opinion, the right to political freedom, the right to remove oneself from trouble and oppression, the right to justice, the right to protect one's honour, the right to marriage, privacy and security of private life, the right to dignity, and not to be abused or ridiculed.

I wonder if the author, when compiling this list, meant to include or exclude homosexuals. Do I, a Muslim homosexual, have the right to "dignity, and not to be abused or ridiculed"? Do I have the right to remove myself from "trouble and oppression"?

Or are these rights the exclusive property of heterosexuals?

I ask because the Muslim world itself needs to be honest about homosexuality. Do we, Muslim homosexuals, have the right to "freedom of opinion" on the matter of homosexuality - or not? Does being homosexual mean that our rights and privileges as Muslims are null and void, that we are fair game, that we can be killed wherever you find us - or not?

By speaking the truth in these matters we can reach some conclusions, perhaps even go forward.
In speaking the truth, I can reveal who I am, and what I am, and what my needs are, and what my hopes and dreams are. The Muslim world can begin to see that what I, and other Muslim homosexuals, want is to be accepted and understood and part of the community. We want to attend Friday Prayers at our local mosques - we don't want to stay home out of fear or shame or indifference. We want to live our lives according to the Qur'an and the teachings of the Prophet - we don't want to be left to fend for ourselves in the spiritual wilderness. We want the ability to get married and carry on committed loving, lifetime relationships in the full view of the community - we don't want to be trivialized and marginalized and forced to find fleeting solace in discos and Western-style bars.

The need homosexuals have to be dishonest carries a heavy price tag. We spend an enormous amount of time and energy maintaining a double life. Our feelings become split: in some situations, we are free to be ourselves; in others, we must put on our "straight" face and pretend to be heterosexual.

We complicate our lives needlessly. Parents continually ask when we will "get married" - we long to tell them the truth and put such questions to rest, but know we cannot. So we must devise excuses, or arguments, or deceptions to throw them off the trial or disinterest them.
On and on it goes. We are continually pretending to be something we are not, trying to remember "who knows" and "who doesn't" and who it's safe to talk to and who it's not safe to talk to, constantly juggling the truth and the lie depending on the situation and the place. One's entire life begins to revolve around the "dirty secret".

It goes deeper.

In being dishonest, we are tacitly agreeing that our homosexuality should indeed be condemned, that there is indeed something wrong with us. We pick that up quite naturally from our surroundings and unless that notion is examined carefully and revealed to be what it is, we often find ourselves in agreement with it.

To live one's life with the knowledge or belief that we are unworthy, that we should be condemned, that there is something wrong with us, creates any number of emotions from sadness and shame to fear and rage, and can result in depression, suicide, despair, hopelessness, spiritual conflict and turmoil. Many a soul, in such a state, abandons Islam because it is unable to bear up under the weight of the condemnation.

Because these feelings are never shared with loved ones, with parents, they fester within and cause all sorts of damage.

Fear is what keeps us in silence.

Peter Gomes relates the story of author Bette Greene as she was making preparations for her novel The Drowning of Stephen Jones, based upon the true story of a young gay man who was thrown from a bridge to his death by a group of young gay-bashers. She interviewed more than 400 young men in jail for various forms of gay bashing. "Few of the men, she noted, showed any remorse for their crimes. Few saw anything morally wrong with their crimes, and more than a few of them told her that they were justified in their opinions and in their actions by the religious traditions from which they came."

As indeed they are, which all homosexuals know. Whenever I pass by a group of young men, I know they might just be passing the time of day, but I also know they might be waiting for someone like me.

But it's not just the fear of physical violence, it's also the fear of emotional and psychological violence. Despite my age, I am still unable to approach an imam and discuss my homosexuality with him. I am completely terrified of just the thought of it, much less the actual doing of it. I know that it will result in shame for me, perhaps shunning, or pity, or expulsion from the community.

What of the young man or woman just entering adulthood? How do they, in the turmoil of adolescence, dare approach an imam, or their parents, or even their friends with such a "dirty secret"?

The truth will set you free.

There have been hardly more marvellous or wonderful words written than those: the truth will set you free.

One of the most revolutionary thinkers of our century, J. Krishnamurti, learned the truth of those words in his own life. From childhood onwards, he had been groomed by a mystical religious group to be a prophet, a messiah, and when the moment of his "unveiling" came he stunned his supporters by turning away from them and following his own path. He knew that he was nothing more than a man and that no matter how enticing it might have been, he could not portray himself as anything other than that.

It was a huge risk, but it was the right choice, and his fame only increased with age until he was well known all over the world in every intellectual and social circle there was.
"If there is a cornerstone to Krishnamurti's teachings, it is that one was really the master of one's life, one's destiny. That stemmed from the fact that he considered the key to living the ability to look at facts as they are; not to indulge in self-pity, not to look for causes, not to blame others. It is from this conviction that honesty and facing facts - and that no one can help you face facts - comes the idea that one must be, as he put it, a lamp unto oneself and not rely on anything. There is no refuge, neither in God nor in other human beings. Man is not the refuge for man. One is one's own refuge; one's own teacher and one's own disciple. That gives one both courage and a certain independence and no self-pity. He always thought that self-pity was the door to hell..""

Being a "lamp unto oneself" is straight out of the teachings of the Lord Buddha, or course, as is self-reliance, facing facts, and being wrenchingly honest.

It is this facing facts and honesty that we need in the debate on homosexuality. As a Muslim homosexual, I need to be honest about who I am; I need to address my concerns to the Muslim community; I need to be heard, and understood; I need compassionate, pragmatic guidance; I need the Muslim world to face facts, to deal in facts, to shift through the hysteria and hype and begin to understand that I have no choice but to be what and who I am.

For its part, the Muslim world needs to be clear about its own position, and it needs to be aware of the consequences it carries in the lives of people like me. Policies of hatred and discrimination are directed at Muslim sons and daughters, at friends, at relatives, at co-workers. These policies reduce the quality of life and happiness of all those involved. They weaken the community. They weaken, and sometimes destroy, families, relationships, and friendships. Islam needs to be clear about whether it finds this acceptable, or if perhaps the Muslim world could do better.
Krishnamurti says, "When we remove the division between the 'me' and the 'you', the 'we' and the 'they', what happens? Only then and not before, can one perhaps use the word 'love'. And love is that most extraordinary thing that takes place when there is no 'me' with its circle or wall."

(By Sulayman X)

His-story

2008-06-08T20:33:00.001+08:00

I have known myself as being gay since I could remember. Even though I had had a period in my life where I wanted to find out if I could convert to become straight or at least bisexual but that period was long gone. What a relief! However, I do love stories about how ‘straight’ men fully embraced the vibrant life of homosexual. These are what I called the His-story. Throughout their adolescence life and even into their adult life they had known to be heterosexual and living the heterosexual life but with only one incident (probably by one blow job by some dude at some public toilet) converted him totally to become homosexual. After years’ worth of collections, I have selected these two stories which, I think are worth telling.

An officer of PDRM who is thirty something and married was sent to a course at a hotel. He was sharing room with his superior but of different division from the same branch. This superior has been nice to him before and our officer was happy to share the room with him.

On the second night, after a long day on the course, the officer was complaining that he was having a stiff neck. The superior offered him a neck rub but the officer declined because he thought that it was inappropriate to trouble a higher ranking officer.

On the third day, our officer’s stiff neck had gotten worst and he could not move his neck properly. The superior notice it and told him that he has some ointment to reduce the neck pain. He instructed our officer to lie face down. Our officer was only in his sarong and was topless then. With the superior sitting on his back rubbing his neck, our officer felt that the superior was slow getting an erection. Our officer did not want to offend his superior and said nothing but by this time the superior was already working downwards to his arse. Our officer wanted to decline but somehow he enjoyed what the superior was doing. The superior undid our officer’s sarong and the rest after that was his-story.

The other story is about a boy whose marriage was arranged. Both of the parents subsequently introduced their child to one another. The boy took an instant liking with the gal and more importantly he got along with the gal’s family. Every time before he took her out for a date, he spent a fair time chatting with her father. Her father and the boy got along famously.

After 3 months into the marriage, wifefy and his mother-in-law had to visit one of their relative in another village which, the travelling time itself took four hours. He and his father-in-law were left alone at home watching a football game. They had cans of beer and packs of tit-bits ready for the game. It was not even half time when the father-in-law was getting overly physical with him. The boy was by then too pissed that he just let his father-in-law to do so and one thing led to another ... violá another book of his-story was written. This repeated over a few more occasions before the boy felt guilty and divorced wifey. He then left for the city to become a true blue gay boy.

These two tops all the stories that I have collected on the subject because I think they are just two most unlikely stories you hear; a matured police officer who was seduced by his older superior and an arranged marriage because the father-in-law fancied him sexually. But of course, whatever his-story they have, we gay men welcome them with open legs.

Brunei Oh! Brunei

2008-05-23T15:24:00.002+08:00

My second trip to Brunei was predictable, spending most the time eating at all different places. I had my usual kolo mee, nasi goreng corned beef and soto. However, I was adamant to find out more about the life of gay men in Brunei because on my first trip I did not. Even though I had very little time to myself, I managed to go out for a date with a charming Bruneian whom I met on G4M.

Before meeting up with my date, I have checked utopia-asia.com, my ultimate gay guide. To my surprise, Brunei was not listed in it. How possible was that!

Oh yes ... that is possible. From my date, I managed to gather that Brunei does not have any venue for recreation activity for gay men (except for a lane in ‘bandar’ where the transvestites hang out). Most of Bruneian meets other men through internet. Most of them would prefer to meet foreigner than local.

I think the two main reasons why they only want to meet foreigners are;

The country is too small and most of them are closeted, the risk of being ‘discovered’ is being minimised.
Most of the local gay men are still staying with their family. Therefore, to find a place for sex with fellow local would be a hassle. Whereas for a foreigner, he would be already be staying in a hotel.

So if you are thinking of travelling to Brunei, do inform the Bruneian well in advance on the internet. I sure you will be welcome there. Do try to bring your laptop along with you. Thank gowd to technology!

The Poem

2008-04-24T19:44:00.001+08:00

Around the corner I have a friend,
In this great city that has no end,
Yet the days go by and weeks rush on,
And before I know it, a year is gone.
And I never see my old friends face,
For life is a swift and terrible race,
He knows I like him just as well,
As in the days when I rang his bell.
And he rang mine but we were younger then,
And now we are busy, tired men.
Tired of playing a foolish game,
Tired of trying to make a name.
'Tomorrow' I say! 'I will call on Jim,
Just to show that I'm thinking of him.'
But tomorrow comes and tomorrow goes,
And distance between us grows and grows.
Around the corner, yet miles away,
'Here's a telegram sir,' 'Jim died today.'
And that's what we get and deserve in the end.
Around the corner, a vanished friend.

Aquarian Lover

2008-04-21T19:19:00.000+08:00

I was sitting alone at my condo’s cafe when he arrived in his tight t-shirt and short. He had the just-came-out-of-shower look and looked so damn cute. I casually said hi to him and he smiled at me. I asked him if he would like to join me at my table. He happily accepted the offer and plonked himself into the seat in front of me. As you might have guessed, I have the hot for him since the day I laid eyes on him. Even though we are neighbours, I never took the courage to really speak with him. We only managed to say hi if we bumped into one another in the cafe, convenient shop or at the pool before I went cold feet.

But today, I plucked up my courage and was determined to have a proper conversation with him. It started up quite general and it got more and more personal. I was so happy because he was so friendly and nice to chat with. Suddenly the bomb exploded in my face. He told me he was an Aquarian!

Ha ha ha ....Another Aquarian! Why god? Why does he have to be another Aquarian? There eleven more star signs and yet the one that I fancy have to be an Aquarian. Two of my ex-es were Aquarian, many of my flings were Aquarians and even my good good friend is an Aquarian! Please don’t get me wrong. I am not an Aquarian hater but I do wish I can get out of this curse of being attracted to Aquarian. Generally they are nice people but seriously, I think I have had enough of them for lover. To explain myself, I googled the internet to describe them in as a lover;

They approach love with their head, are turned on by mental stimulation, and seek to experience a mind-meld with a lover. They can be fickle, flirtatious, indecisive and double-dealing, and they prefer affairs to commitments, but they could vow loyalty if they meet a compatible communicator with a sunny disposition who's glamorous, noble and ardent.

I think the ‘... fickle, flirtatious, indecisive and double-dealing ...’ bit explains why I have problems with Aquarian lovers. Or probably I’m not glamorous, noble and ardent enough for my ex-es.

Paris, Je T'aime

2008-03-19T12:17:00.004+08:00

This is my version of the movie Paris, Je T’aime.

Few years ago, I had a job in Paris for Tourism Malaysia for 10 days in the month of February, the end of winter and the beginning of spring. The first 3 days of the trip was so cold but after that the sun made its way and spring came.

On the last day, we had the whole day to ourselves. I decided to walk the city. This was my second trip to Paris and I wanted to see the non tourist place. I wanted to go to a park. After checking the map, the nearest park from where I was staying was a park located on the north western part of Paris.

I was so happy at the park with flowers were blooming everywhere and Daffodils were in wide range of colours. Parisians were looking so happy with their family, lovers, friends and dogs. Most of them had their picnic baskets with them and playing Frisbee, football or just reading books.

I was doing my sketching with my baguette sandwich on the side, sitting under a willow tree overlooking a family playing soccer, when someone spoke to me in French. I turned around and saw him. He had these soft beautiful blue eyes, long blonde hair and an amazing smile. With my limited French, I told him that I speak very very little French. I asked him if he speaks English and he straight away spoke English with the sexy French accent. He asked me if I was art student. I told him that it was just a hobby. He said that is a nice hobby to do on a nice day. He then introduced himself. His name was Francois a student at a local university somewhere in Paris doing a degree in writing. We then chatted about everything under the sky for more than 2 hours and both of us managed to come out to each other and also shown a keen interest in one another. He then took me for a stroll around the park.

He showed me the playground, the eateries, the lake, the lawn bowl game with old folk and we ended up at the woods part of the park. It was at the woods that he held my hand. I was shocked. I told him that it was broad day light and he was quite daring. He explained that that part of the park was a cruising area. Only then did I realise that there were other men cruising in between the trees. Cruising in the Park in the broad day light! Wow! Paris, je t’aime! We happily walked hand-in-hand while kissing each other in the wood. I invited him back to my hotel and he accepted my invitation. Back at the hotel, we made out passionately overlooking a fully pink blossom Sakura tree outside my hotel window.

My last day in Paris and it was so so sweet!

Ramadhan & Painter

2007-10-09T13:44:00.000+08:00

It is the month of Ramadhan again, abstaining from food, water and SEX!

I woke up I the morning with my dick fully erected. I had not been having sex for quite awhile. It was so hard that is was actually rather painful in a way. I was tossing and turning in my bed trying to not thinking about fucking or being fucked but nothing helped.

I suddenly realized that a soft squeaking noise on my window. I turned and realized that someone was cleaning the window. The whole condo was getting a fresh coat of paint and there were painters on metal crane painting and cleaning the exterior walls of my condo. They finished painting the wall and they were cleaning the windows. The painter was at my bedroom window and he was looking at me. I was initially embarrassed and tried to cover my self. The painter seemed to be zooming at my crouch area. I played with myself a bit under the sheet and he smiled. I was not so sure if he was really interested in what I wanted him to be interested in. He was quite cute, dark skin but with a pleasant white teeth smile. Anyway, I was so damn horny! I got up from my bed and was walking to the toilet with my hard on when I saw him licking his lips. I then smiled at him. He looked like as if he wanted to come through the window and give it to me.

Suddenly, I heard another voice calling for him and he shouted back at the person. He gave me another big smile, turned around and climbed down the crane.

Shit! I was slutting with a bloody building painter. Thank god it is the fasting month, if not I would have pulled him in and fucked him real good. But where did that leave me? I was horny the whole bloody day on the holy month of Ramadhan. I had to wait for the sun to set before I could do anything ….

Blanket to a Child

2007-09-15T17:28:00.000+08:00

Have you ever played with your blanket when you were a child? That was the question that I asked my friends over a dinner party and I got many different answers. A few answered, 'Superman!'. Another answered, 'Zorro!'. 'Made a tent out of it', was also one of the them. I also had, 'mom don't let us play with our blanket.' Poor souls.

They asked me the same question. My answer was ....
'Similar to Superman but instead the blanket goes under my armpit and tied at the back of my neck. Viola! It was wrap around sarong ..... I was in drag.'

My other PLU friends got excited with my answer and told us that when he was a child, he had his blanket made into a tunic fit of an Egyptian queen based on a TV series super heroin in the the early 80's, The Mighty Isis! He even had his younger brothers to become his slaves to complete his play fantasy.

Amazingly, with just a piece of material you would be able to tell the child's potential sexual orientation.

Weekend in Bangkok

2007-08-09T01:33:00.000+08:00

I spent the weekend in Bangkok with my family. My mom, my sister, 2 brothers and meself planned this trip for a long while. Initially, I thought it would be a totally family trip but later decided to stay a day longer for my fun ;- )

I arrived on Friday night but the rest of my family took the earlier fight on that same day. I had only one hand luggage and family asked me to meet them at Silom Center for dinner straight from the airport. We went around the mall after our meal and by time we were done, I so tired. We walked back to our hotel which was apparently very closed by. Approaching the hotel, to my surprise, I notice that our hotel was next to a gay sauna, Sauna Mania! That is so damn kewl!

The next day the whole family went shopping and dinner at Chao Pharaya. We got back to the hotel at 11pm and everyone was so tired. But that was a Saturday night and I just had to go out that night. After a short rest, I pull all my strength together and went out alone.

I went to DJ Station but I felt it was too much for me as I was tired. I only managed to stay there for an hour or so. After DJ Station, I headed to Sauna Mania. The sauna was simple and pleasant in deco. The main patronage of the sauna are young executive Thais. On Saturday, it is an underwear night. They give the patron a very small towel and the patron are to only wear their underwear or swim trunk, if they came well prepared.

My first Thai encounter was on the roof top. The roof top was covered with potted plant hedges that was designed to created a green maze. He was in one of the green chamber, sitting on a deck chair. As he saw me entering the chamber, he gave me the sexy look while playing with himself. I was so turned on. He has this beautiful gym bod and very cute Thai feature. I sat on the stool next to him and he reached out to me and started to play with me. He pulled down my boxer and playing with me. However, the green chamber does have door a and the rest of the patrons kept popping in and out while he was blowing me. A few even decided to joined but they were an ugly lot and both of us was not interested at all. After being harassed so many time, he took my hand and lead me to the proper cubicle two floors down. As usual, these cubicles are well prepared for intimacy. He was a good fuck. Our session lasted for quite awhile with no conversation involved. After finishing, while he was wiping himself, he spoke to me in Thai. Obviously, I did not know any Thai and only then did he realise that I was not Thai. As for him, he did not speak English that much. Both of us was slightly disappointed but heck it, I had my fun. We left the cubicle and both of us went separate ways. He went to the shower and and went back up to the roof top. Half an hour later he came back up to the roof top looking for me. He had a piece of paper in his hand with his number on it. I was obliged to take the piece of paper but what was the whole point if we just could not communicate at all!

After my first encounter left, another Thai boy walked in the chamber where I was sitting. He took an instant liking for me and went straight down on his knee and blew me off then and there. One Thai hunk came few minutes later and wanted to join in the fun. The Thai hunk thought that he was a-god-send-from-heaven for gay gay. He practically shoving his dick into my direction and the Thai boy. He expected both of us servicing him. I was quite annoyed with him. However hunk you are, you need to think the needs of others too. I just left the chamber, leaving the hunk and the boy going for it.

I sat on a day bed at the open space and fell asleep immediately. An hour later, an middle age Thai was fondling me. I took his hand and politely declined him. I went back to sleep right after. About half an hour later another elderly Thai was groping me. I knew then that I had to move away before more to come.

I went to the dark room on the 1st floor. Apart from the maze they have created here, they had also laid out a big mattress in the corner of the dark room. When I first arrived at the sauna, I have checked the area but nothing was going on the mattress area. But at 4 in the morning, there was a orgy going on there. To my delight, one of the guys, who was at the corner of the mattress, pulled me into the scene. At first I was at the corner of the mattress and then slowly, I was pulled right into the centre of the orgy. It was like the scene from Caligula!

After the reenactment of Caligula, I walked through maze towards the exit. I realised that as it was nearer to the closing time, everyone was more desperate to hook up and had to materise their purpose there. Everyone was going at anyone in the dark room. I went back up to the roof top and that it was also the same case. Next time I know that if I have no catch at all during my visit, I'll make sure I'll stay on to the closing time for the 'discount sales'.

I got back to the hotel at 5am and my mom had just woke up for her morning prayer. I managed to get 4 hours sleep before my mom woke me up to join the family for another shopping excursion. After lunch, they left for the airport as had one extra day for my fun alone. I checked into Babylon lodging.

My room in Babylon was two single bed room. As soon as I have arrived in my room, I tried to contact my Thai friend who I met on my last visit. I wanted to give my friend the extra coupon I had for Babylon sauna. As there was no coverage on my phone and I had to go out of my room to the corridor to look for some coverage. As I was doing so, a Chinese guy was coming out of his room and instantly, we both took a fancy on each other. I went back to my room and he followed me into my room. We had a quickie. After he left, I decided to go Silom road to get some last minute shopping. I sent a sms to my friend on the way there. My friend called me when I was at Silom road and he later picked me up at one of the mall where we first met.

We went back to Babylon. There was a party at Babylon sauna, which was hosted by a local gay magazine. The entry was B300 and ironically I thought to myself that I managed to get a B600 for the free coupons. Whatever!

The party was wild. They had free drinks and finger food. There was also continuous performance by few different drag companies. Most importantly, there were so many type of men there. My Thai friend told me that it was quite a big crowd for Sunday. That night I had one Singaporean, one Arab and one Mat Salleh. Me and my friend left the sauna at around 10pm and the party was still going on. We were too hungry to care any more. We had late dinner at a nice Thai restaurant not far away. When I got back to Babylon lodging, I barely could open my eyes. I slept in my cloth!

The next morning, I woke up at 5am. I had to check out by 730am but it was too early to get ready. However, nature called and I had to go to the toilet. In the lodging, we share the toilet and the shower room. It was designed for cruising. As I was coming out from the toilet cubicle, a cute mature Mat Salleh was brushing his teeth at the sink. As I was leaving the toilet, he was sizing me up. I rushed back to my room and quickly took my toiletries for my shower. I dashed backed to the shower room and as I had expected, he was waiting in the shower room with an erection. Obviously, I went for it. It was a damn good morning sex.

I checked out of the lodging and left for the airport on time. My checking in at the airport went smoothly. I had plenty of time to kill at the duty free. I was walking slowly and going through each and every one of the shop that was to offer along to my departure gate. After coffee, I decided to go to the toilet before my flight. When I was in the toilet, I notice a nice cute Thai boy in a uniform who was obviously working in one of the shops at the duty free. He was already at the sink when I got in. He stayed on at the sink pretending looking at himself in the mirror until I was done. I was dead sure that he was cruising me. I had only half an hour to my flight time. I walked out of the toilet, he followed me out. He gave me the indication to follow him which I did. At the shop he was working, he braved himself and approached me. He told me that his off time was in 15min and he can take me to a quite place in the airport for a quickie. Of course I had to reject as my flight was in 15min time. He took a small receipt and wrote him number on it. He said the next time if I'm in Bangkok, to give him a ring.

I realised that I had only 10min to rushed to my gate. I had to run to the gate and was the last one at the gate. The plane took off immediately I got into the plane.

To Chem Or Not To Chem

2007-07-10T13:39:00.000+08:00

I was having lunch with my good friend. Out of the blue, he asked my opinion on chem sex. I asked him why? He told me that he was approached by a guy on the G4M and wanted to have chem sex with him. I told him of my personal experience ....

With threesome as the bait, I had no hesitation of accepting their offer. I went back with Mike and Joe to their place after clubbing.

I knew they were already on E at the club and I was cool about. They offered me some in the club but I declined. Back at their place, we were sitting in the sitting area and Mike rolled a joint. I was ok with the joint and joined them smoking it. The joint sort of set us into action. Popper was introduced in the middle of the action. I sniffed the poppers. Being stoned while having sex was quite an experience for me. Every possible positions were explored in the long hot sex. Mike and Joe had so much experience in it that the role was being changed constantly so as the focus was never on one person. I was really enjoying it so much.

Suddenly, Mike stopped and walked away. Joe and I continued the wild sex. Mike came back with a joint, two pills in his hand and a bottle of mineral water. He offered the E to Joe and me. I took the pill. Wild Threesome Part 2 instantly started after the short break. Joe was holding the joint when Mike was going down on me when all of the sudden, Joe went into a seizure. Both Mike and me started to panic. Mike was trying to grab hold of Joe and I was frantically trying to put off the small fire started from joint that Joe dropped. It seemed that it went on forever because both of us were bloody stoned. After a long long while, Mike screamed at me to call for the ambulance. I went to the phone and I looked blank into the phone, obviously having an anxiety attacked from the whole ordeal. Mike had to grab the phone from from me and called the ambulance. I just stood there staring at Joe.

At last the ambulance came. I continued standing still while watching the paramedics wheeling Joe away. Mike followed Joe to the hospital. Feeling miserable, confused and was still so stoned I went back home. At that point of time, I felt so wasted and I have never been so scared of my life. The whole incident kept on repeating in my mind over and over again every time I closed my eyes that night. I vouched to myself that I will never do chem any more.

The Letter

2007-06-26T23:13:00.000+08:00

The only reason why I wanted the break-up from u is becoz I have lost my TRUST on u ... I know if I were to continue our relationship, I would be the overly possessive one and we both will end up in a major fight. I would rather cut our relationship now then to lose our friendship totally. I do cherish us being friends very much.

Teletubbies GAY!

2007-05-29T12:42:00.000+08:00

WARSAW (Reuters) - Poland's conservative government took its drive to curb what it sees as homosexual propaganda to the small screen on Monday, taking aim at Tinky Winky and the other Teletubbies.

Ewa Sowinska, government-appointed children rights watchdog, told a local magazine published on Monday she was concerned the popular BBC children's show promoted homosexuality.

She said she would ask psychologists to advise if this was the case.

In comments reminiscent of criticism by the late U.S. evangelist Jerry Falwell, she was quoted as saying: "I noticed (Tinky Winky) has a lady's purse, but I didn't realize he's a boy."

Save The Cheerleader Save The World

2007-05-27T14:06:00.000+08:00

After having an disagreement with my bf, i decided to visit my regular sauna for an escape. Arriving at the sauna, I bumped into this nice tall Chinese chap who I had sex with before from one of my previous visit to the sauna. Without hesitation, he lead me into the toilet for a quickie. I had no hesitation because I remembered that he was quite a good fuck.

As soon as we finished, the first sentence that he uttered was, 'when will you be on TV again?'

I was shocked. The last time I was on TV was for a Breakfast Show interview at godforsaken 830am on a weekday. I was interviewed to promoting a cheerleading competition at a mall. I was the event organiser for the competition and all this was due to the interest and the promotion of my bf's passion. My bf is a cheerleader himself and a cheer activist. As an event manger myself, I extended my assistance to promote the sport for him. I did not expect anyone to remember me from that interview.

Apparently, this is not true for this Chinese chap. He had been coming back to the sauna hoping to bumped into me again to tell me that he saw me on the TV.

I asked him why was he not working at that time of a working day. He on a business trip and was free that morning. He was surfing the hotel's TV channel and the one subject that grabbed his attention was the announcement of cheerleading competiton in KL and to his surprise that I was there promoting the sport. And I asked he why was he interested in cheerleading, because he was a cheerleader in his university time in UK. Emmmmmmph ..... an other CHEERLEADER!

'Save the the cheerleader save the world' but which cheerleader do i save now?

Footnote;
'Save the cheerleader save the world' is from the TV series 'HEROES'

Young Again

2007-04-15T12:04:00.000+08:00

It is amazing when men fall in love; they are just like a kid with a new toy. So true like that phrase goes, ‘in every man there is a child in him’. The least thing that you expect him to do is the one thing that he will do.

After going steady and attached for more that 8 years, for both partners everything is predictable, going work to work, coming back from work, seeing friends on the weekend, going to the gym, grocery shopping and the occasional vacation trips. One would imagine that he will be able to judge his ‘lifetime’ partner’s character. But this would be true if there is no intervention from a new love interest for his partner.

After finding out that he could be love by another man, he suddenly found the youth to do the things that he would never like before. He has found the energy and the interest to stay up all night clubbing with his new love interest. Before this, he would be the first one who would want to leave the club. Dressed in blink-blink super tight t-shirt, which he would not be caught in before, was a great change altogether.

Going off to impromptu vacation trip with the new boy friend, was a major shocker. In the olden days, he would plan the entire trip’s itinerary meticulously and was very concern about the budget. This usually took months of planning for one vacation. Now for his new sayang, everything was done last minute.

Out of character, one might say but I guess a man can never really grow up when they are in love. They just become the child again and relive his life again.

Roy

2007-04-03T15:34:00.000+08:00

I had been chatting with this young chap on the net. Roy seem to the butch type being 5 ft 11 and a rugby player. He communicated well in English and seemed to be worldly in knowledge. I was very impressed. The only thing that stop us from meeting up was he was living in Sarawak and I was in KL.

Then came the time when he said that he was coming to KL. I was so excited. He told me that he would be staying at his friend's apartment and invited me to come over. When he was in KL, he gave me the address and asked me to come around lunch time. He said his friend would be at work and we would have the whole place to ourself. I was obliged.

As I arrived at the apartment block, I remembered that I also have a friend who was staying in the same block. I did not remember the unit number but I knew where the unit was. As I was slowly tracing the number that Roy gave me, I came to realised that the unit that Roy gave me was the same unit that my friend was stay. Damn! I knock on the door and I saw Roy for the first time. He was much better looking than his picture on the net. I walked in, he grabbed me and had sex right away at the sitting area. After sex, I told him that I knew his friend that owned that apartment. Only then he confessed that he came to KL to also see him as a potential boy friend. I was shocked and I told him that I did not think that it was a good idea that I was seeing him again. He told me that he enjoyed my company and he wanted me to bring him around KL because his (my) friend was working during the day. I agreed to this as the thought of seeing him again just turned me on because of the potential of having sex with him again.

I invited him over to my place instead. He asked me if my place was air-conditioned. I told him that it was not and he told me that he was not able to be at a non air-conditioned place as he sweats a lot. We scraped that idea.

We finally agreed that we were to watch a movie the following day. I told him that I will meet him at the cinema of not wanted to risk of being seen at the friend's apartment. Roy told me he was not able to make his own way to the cinema. I asked him to take the cab and the cab drive would know where the cinema was. He said he could not trust cab driver and insisted that I should pick him up from the apartment. I was stupid enough to agree to this.

After movie and dinner, he wanted to walked about the shopping complex. He said that it was still to early to go back as his (my) friend was coming home late that night. We went into a sport shop and he saw a Nike t-shirt to his liking. He wanted me to buy it for him because he told me that he did not bring enough shirt to KL. He needed a new t-shirt to go out the next night. What the fuck?! I had spent on him for the movie and the nice dinner, now he wanted me to buy him the expensive t-shirt. I just had enough! I told him that I had not enough cash on me then and told him that I was also late for my coffee appointment with friends. I put him in a cab, told the cab driver where the apartment was, give Roy the cab money and bit my farewell forever!

Island Hopping at KK

2007-02-27T14:01:00.000+08:00

I was at Kota Kinabalu for the Chinese New Year. I found that the city has so much potential and there are so much yet to be offered. However, the most amazing thing is that the city offers beautiful islands within a boat ride away.

This we did on my second day there. My friend and I opted for island hopping to 3 islands. We chartered a private boat for the just the two of us. The first one was Mamutik. Medium size island that has only camping facility and beach activities. We arrived at the island about 9.30am and we spent the whole morning soaking the sun there. The water was so clear that you can see school of fishes swiming in the sea around the corals without snorkelling.

For lunch, we went to the next island, Manukan. A bigger island that provides nice beautiful chalets with resort facilities. We had lunch there but the price was a bit on the higher price. After lunch, we went to check a sunset sighting venue on the other side of the island. It was a long hike going uphill. The total journey was 3.5 km! By the time we got back to our boat we were knaked. My friend wanted to just go back to KK but I insisted on the last

island.

The last island was Sulug. A small island and desserted. Nothing was there except for a small portion of vegetation and a beach front on one side of the island. Our boatman parked the boat on the one side of the island and we had to walk across a strectch of sand dune of 4 feet high to reach the other side of the beach. The island with white sandy beach, warm clear blue water, blue sky and no one else on the island, invited both of us to skinny dip in the water. It was so nice in the water that we had a quickie in the sea!

We went back to KK with big smile on our faces. Probably the boatman knew what we did on the last island but hell cares! we both were on a holiday.

My Amazing Race (The Local Bkk Tour)

2006-12-31T02:13:00.000+08:00

DAY 7, 8 & 9

This was the day that we went back up to Bangkok. I was so looking forward to it. I wanted to check out DJ Station and the reputable Babylon. We checked out early and headed back to Bangkok. Our hotel was located in Silom Road. At nite, Silom Road is gay heaven in Bangkok.

On the arrival nite, we went to the go go bar at Soi Pratuchai. The show was shocking and worth going for but once you have seen one you would have enough of it. I insisted to go to DJ Station because the whole week I wanted to dance and Pattaya has no good place to dance. DJ Station was located at Soi 2 Silom Road. It was so packed that it was quite impossible to move around in the club. My friends went all the way up to the third floor but I just had to dance on the ground floor. I was so engrossed into dancing that my friends just abandoned me at the club. When the club closed, I had to go back alone. As I was walking toward my hotel, a cute guy passed me and turned to have a look at me. He then turned to a lane while still looking at me. I just ignored it. I was hungry and stop over at the 24 hours outlet McD. Coming out from McD, he was standing at the entrance. He smiled at me and I went to him and said hi him. Ott, his name, spoke good English and he a local. We chatted for a while and we went into McD to sit and chat. He was pleasant gentleman to chat with and I invited him to the hotel. He accepted it and I told him that we had to walk quite a distance to the hotel. He told me that he'll drive us to the hotel.

We went back to the hotel and Ott spent the nite at the hotel. After breakfast, he sent me to the nearest sky station Chong Nonsi and he went back home. I went to Chatuchak to shop. I came back to the hotel and rest. At about 5pm, Ott came over to the hotel. We went out dinner at a nice Thai restaurant. The food was wonderful and most importantly was not too hot. My suspicion was he told them not to cook the dishes hot.

After dinner, we went to the reputable Babylon to meet up with my Malaysian friends who abandoned me the nite before. Babylon was amazing. The building was a big huge complex for gay activities. I was damn impressed. That very nite we went was the eve to Christmas. They had shows and underwear party going on at the complex. The crowd was very international. I even heard some Russian speaking to one another among the crowd.
However, I went around with Ott. He was my tour guide to the huge complex. We went to the private chamber, the dark room, the dungeon, the glory hole cabins and the wild disco. We had so much fun teasing the people there. We were even being told off once by someone to stop laughing. I never knew it was a serious matter to go to a sauna!

We left Babylon and went straight to Soi 2 Silom Road to meet Ott's friend at JJ Park. They had the table nearest to the stage. A cute Thai boy was singing on the stage. Ott's friend had to put me right in front next to the stage. The Thai singer asked me something in Thai and I told him that I don'e speak Thai. That was a mistake because the whole nite the Thai singer was singing and dedicating all the songs to me. The crowd in the bar was enjoying it too. But I had fun!
Ott stayed over again that nite. He had to work on Christmas day as it was not a holiday for Thailand. He told me that if he would have know that he was to meet me, he would have taken the day off to spend the time with me on that Christmas.

On the last in Bangkok, which is on Christmas Day, me and Ott had our last breakfast together and I had to bid goodbye to him early in the morning. After that I slept through the late morning and packed at noon. I joined my friends for a last day lunch in Bangkok and walkabout at the Siam Paragon for our last hours in Bangkok for this trip.

We left Bangkok at 8.30pm from Suvanabhumi Airport. Goodbye Bangkok till the next many trips!

My Amazing Race (The Gay Tour)

2006-12-31T02:01:00.000+08:00

DAY 3,4,5 & 6

Today I only got half a day in Bangkok because later in the afternoon I will be joining my friends who will be arriving from KL. We were to meet at the airport at 3pm. I woke up early and went out before 8am. I managed to cover the Wat Phra Kaew, the Grand Palace and site seeing around there. I also did the ferry ride up the Chao Pharaya River to Phra Arthit jetty. I had enough time to pack, check out and lunch before my ride to the airport.
At the airport, I met up with my 2 friends flying down from KL. We took the limo and went straight to Pattaya, the City of Extreme! The whole town smelled of sex.

The limo did not know where our hotel was. We went around and around the Pattaya Beach. We had to be dropped off at the main street and we had to walk looking for the hotel. Luckily, the hotel was not so far away. The hotel we were staying at was The Ambiance Hotel at Boyz Town.
Initially, I was excited about the town but after spending few days there, I found out that everything in Pattaya had a price tag to it. It does not matter whether the boy like you of not. However, if you are old, affordable and in need of young flesh, do make yourself to Pattaya. Hence, my friend and me only spent time at the Jomtien beach in the day and Boyz Town at nite in the bar. We went to the go go bar but they either were miserable or trying very hard to sell boys of 11 to 15 years of age.

The last nite at Pattaya was the eve to my birthday. My friends organised a birthday surprise at the Panama Bar at Boyz Town. They even had the bar boys to join us at the table. After the bar closed, I decided to go off to Maya Club at the Walking Street. None of my friends or the bar boys of Paname Bar wanted to join me. One of the other bar boy, Ben, next to Panama told me that it was happening there. He was going and asked me to join him there. Actually we had been in contact before this and I had a fancy on him. I went up to the hotel and changed. Somehow as I was in the room, I had long chat with my friends. I only managed to come out of the hotel an hour later. I went to Maya and found that Ben was already with a white middle man. I said hi to him, we chatted for a short while and I left him with his patron. I was just hanging around when I saw Ben going to the toilet. He was giving me the indication that he wanted me to follow him and so I did. In the toilet, he told me that he was waiting for me and would want to see me the next day. He kissed and hugged me and went back to his patron for the nite. I did not tell him that I was leaving the next day. I just left it as it was.

As I was coming back to the hotel, I saw that the gym next to the hotel was dimly lighted. Someone was working out in the gym. This was 4am. I went closer and took a peek. The guy was working out with only his pair of short shorts. He noticed that I was looking at him. I was so damn horny. I sat at the table outside the gym and kept looking into the gym. The guy somehow knew that I was horny started showing off himself. I did not know what to do but to watch. He stood up and walked to my direction. He had his hand in his shorts and was playing with himself. I can't believed my luck. He called me into the gym and I followed. I was so willing to pay for sex then. We went to the small sauna room and had a quickie in it. After that he did not even suggest a price for the fuck and so I paid him 500Baht.

My Amazing Race (The Backpack Tour)

2006-12-31T01:01:00.000+08:00

DAY 1 & 2

I just got back from the wrong side of the Chao Phraya River. I took the wrong ferry to the other side of the river and it was the last one! I had to take the cab to come back to Baan Sabai Guest House, Banglamphu. FYI, I am in Bangkok. I am doing my virgin trip. Heard so much about Thailand and at last! I managed to do it. It is my second day in Thailand but it has been like The Amazing Race for me.

It all started on late night bus traveling to Hat Yai on last Saturday from Pudu Station. It was about 11.55pm when we left. It scheduled to leave at 11.30pm but as usual everything in Malaysia is delayed. Anyway, the trip was quite cozy. I slept on bus and this was good for me. We arrived at R&R next to the border. The bus driver collected our passport to be processed and I had a very early breakfast at 6am. At the R&R, they had their signboard in Thai and played some Thai folk song. I felt the Thai border was very near. At the border, we had to go through the boring immigration process and it took us about an hour to clear. This was because there were so many people going through to Thailand from this entry point. I guess the school holiday contributed to this. After immigration, it took about an hour or so to reach Hat Yai. It was 8.30am (local time) in the morning. Nothing had open yet. There were so many tuktuk and motorist there but I refused to take them. Having backpacked, it was easy for me to travel around. Asked for the train station and I walked there. It was at least 10 min walk. After getting my ticket to Bangkok at 5.30pm the same day, I took the tuktuk to send me to the market where I was to catch a bus to Songkhala. The tuktuk man told it was easier to go by a minivan. I agreed and taken the minivan. As I got into the minivan, I realised that there was only one seat available i.e. in between two Thai young boys. One was quite cute and I was happy with the arrangement. But along the way, the driver keep on collecting more passengers and we were basically so pack that even the sardines in the can had more space!

Arriving Songkhala, I walked heading for the Samila beach. This was about 10pm. It was so empty. I decided to walk the beach the whole way and back, just for the heck of it. It took me about an hour and a half to do that. Coming back, I sat under the shade to rest. I then realised that a middle aged man was going up and down from where I was resting. He did look like local but damn sure he cruising. He smiled and I smiled, and we made friend while he was playing with himself. I just let him be. We could not have a conversation obviously, but we just sat there and tried to communicate. Moment later, his friend came and took an instant liking on me. He warmed up quite quickly I might add. He wanted to bring me to his place for a fuck (using hand language). I had to decline as I had to rush back to the Hat Yai to catch the train and I wanted so much to do lunch by the beach before I go off, which I did alone. But at least I know that where I went on the beach was apparently cruisy even in the day time. Rushing back to Songkhala town was a problem because I took the motorist and he sent me to god-know-where. I just had to walk and walk and walk till I found a bus that was going to Hat Yai. I was so relieved I got one.

Reaching Hat Yai, I decided to check out a gay outlet, Buddy Menclub. I took a motorist and off we went to the other side of the town. Unfortunately, it was closed. I spoke to a cute Thai boy working there and asked if he knew if anyone could do a massage. He told me that he could do it as the place does offer such service. I was happy and followed him up the parlor. On the way up he told me that the usual rate was 600Baht but because he had to open the 'parlor' he had to charge me 1000Baht. I just agreed because I was too tired to change my mind. After my shower he gave me the worst massage I ever had. However, this was in nude! Then, he threw himself on me and I decided to just follow the flow. We had a quickie.

As I was coming out from my shower after the massage and quickie, he told me that the management knew that I was having sex with him and the management demanded a total of 1,600Baht for the whole ordeal. I knew just had to pay but I managed to bargain for 1,500Baht. Damn! I have never paid for sex and this is gonna be a lesson for me.

After the expensive lesson, I decided to cool myself down by going around went round Hat Yai and walked my heart out. Managed to buy some food stuff and an accessory for my mobile phone. I got to the train station around 5pm and was excited again about the train trip. I asked the information counter for the right platform and sat happily waiting for the train. Every time a train came to that platform, I had to check with the station officer if it was my train as the announcement was made in Thai. The officer kept on saying that it was the next train but so many trains came and went from that platform. I waited and waited until it was about 6.20pm I was getting panic, thinking that I might have missed the train. The platform vendors were packing their trolleys and some had gone off the platform. That was definitely not a good sign! I asked another station officer and he calmly told me that the train was delayed and he will inform me if the train was coming. At about 6.35pm, came the train. The officer I spoke last help me to board the train and introduced me to the cabin steward. Phew! The train was comfortable. They have room service for the meals. They hand out the menu as you get in the coach and they delivered the food to your seat. The seats are convertible to bunkers. The stewards changed the seats to bunker later in the evening about around 9pm. The bunker is so roomy. I slept most of the trip night trip.

I woke up early in the morning. I got the glimpse of sunrise. The view was beautiful. Padi fields looked golden in the morning sun. As I woke up and freshened up, the steward converted back the bunker to seats. I ordered my breakfast and started my day 2 in Thailand reading Zadie Smith's latest book with beautiful scenery on my window. The train arrived at Bangkok at 11am. I came out of the station and took a taxi straight to Banglamphu to checked in the Baai Saban Guest House. After lunch at the guest house, I went to Wat Poh to see the leaning Buddha. I tried the legitimate monk trained massage there and it was so damn good!

After Wat Poh, I went to the Grand Palace but it was already closed by the time I got there. I decided to check out the National Museum instead. It was closed too because they are closed on Monday and Tuesday. I bumped into a local at the entrance of the Museum and he told me to check out a gem factory which was open for public. He stopped a tuktuk and instructed the tuktuk guy to bring me to the factory. I have no idea where it was but trusted the tuktuk man. It was about 5.00pm and the traffic jam was really bad. We arrived at the factory's showroom at 6.30pm. After the factory, I told the tuktuk man to take me to Discovery Center near Siam Center. He asked me if I be able to spare 10mins in a silk shop where the shop would give him a patrol coupon for his tuktuk and I agreed to this. But the jam was so so bad that we were not moving for about half an hour. He decided to scrape the idea and sent me straight to Discovery Center instead.

At around Siam Center, I had dinner and took the sky train to Ari Station. I was heading to my final destination in my itinerary for the day i.e. Chakran sauna. As I arrived at the station, I realised that I do not have the address with me. I decided to depend on my memory of a map drawn by my friend. I was sure that he mentioned Soi 27. I walked and walked and walked looking for this lane. It was already dark and I was getting restless. I did not find the lane and I had to go back to the station and started all over again. Based on the map in my memory I went looking for some kind of signboard. At 8pm, after looking for it for an hour on foot, I gave up. As I was walking back to the station, I saw an Internet cafe. I went in and did an Utopia search on Chakran and voila! the sauna was not far away.

Chakran was a beautiful place, well decorated and all the spaces were well thought of. You somehow could spent a whole day there chilling out. My first encounter there was in the Heart to Heart Room. I was walking into a maze and a guy was following behind me. He immediately hug me from behind and started kissing me from behind. I turned and faced him. Cute, tall and Chinese looking. Apparently he was a Singaporean air steward. He took my hand and led me into one of the many rooms. We had a quickie and boy, it was a quickie! He came so damn fast. Emmmph ......

The other encounter for the nite was a threesome with a Korean (they all mistaken me for a Thai!) and a Thai boy. By we were done, it was 10pm. Time flew when you have fun. I rushed out back to the station. I did not know what the public transport is like in Bangkok on Sunday. I got the sky train and went to the last station at Saphan Taksin, where I was supposed to take the ferry ride to Phra Arthit. There were passengers from the train running towards the jetty and I ran too. Without thinking I jumped into the ferry thinking that that was the right ferry to my stop. However, the ferry only went across the the river. As the ferry approached the other side of the bank, the lights of the jetty were switched off one by one. I knew then that it was the last ferry ride across the river. I asked people around there and all they did was to direct me to the nearest taxi.

So, here I am, thank god for I managed to return to my guest house after the little adventure I had today.

Small World

2006-12-11T18:58:00.001+08:00

Last week I was having coffee with my hairdresser friend, Richard. He received a call from Amsterdam. It was his new boyfriend. Initially he was flirting on the phone and you could see his face glowing. Then out of sudden he passed the phone to me. I have not met or knew of his new boyfriend but my friend insisted that his boyfriend wanted to talk to me. I spoke to him and found out that the steward, Mel, was my friend’s ex. This friend of mine (Shan) I got to know him through my ex. So he is the ex of the friend of my ex. He he … This ex of the friend of mine ex later on had a short relationship with one of my other close friend, Din, and now he is going out with Richard. Phew!

Anyway, Shan had made plan with me to go to Bangkok together. Last two days I met up with him to discuss the detailed plan. He came with a cute boy, Aziz, apparently, his current boyfriend. After going through the plan, they were rushing to a karaoke do. Shan made a remark that it was funny because both of them are going to see both of their ex-es there. Shan’s ex and Aziz’s, coming as a couple, were joining the karaoke. I asked Shan which ex he was going to see. He told me it was Mel. If he was going to see Mel and Mel is currently going out with Richard, then … Richard used to go out with Aziz! Understand?!

Emmmmmph ….. like the saying goes, ‘It’s a small world after all’.

Writing On The Walls

2006-11-25T00:40:00.000+08:00

I was chatting with my friend the other day and we were talking about his ex. Obviously, he poured his heart out on the bad things that his ex did to him. Most of the things were the same old thing relation problems but the only thing that I found intriguing about his ex was that he has the habit of leaving his own mobile number and name on the walls of public toilets. Who, in the right mind, would leave his own number and name on the wall of public toilet?!

I always thought that the numbers and names on the wall of public toilets are to spike back at that person. One who probably hated the victim so much that one writes the phone number and name of the victim to expose the victim to the embarrassment of public ridicule.

Since my friend told me of his ex wall writing habit, I actually started reading the writings on the walls. What I found disturbing are the comments next to the numbers and names on the public toilet walls. A majority of these comments are written by homophobic and gay bashers. The one that I remember is one comment next to a peep hole. It said, ‘Bloody faggot! If I catch u, I’ll poke ur eyes blind!’

Does his ex know that there are so much violent going around? Why is he leaving himself to an open invitation to potential violent? One sick gay basher might just call him and lure him into a trap. It did happen and it will happen again!

Positive Living

2006-11-16T17:02:00.000+08:00

Early this year a friend told me that his boyfriend was diagnosed HIV+. I asked him if he took the test himself. He told me he did not want to take the test because he did not want to know his status. He told me that if he dies tomorrow, it would not make a different. I was shocked. Till today he refused to take the test.

Few months later, my current told me that one of his friends was diagnosed HIV+. I asked him if his friend was getting any medical attention. He told me that the friend felt that he did not need any medical attention but with the HIV+ status, gave him the passport to have unsafe sex and live life to the fullest.

Right after the Eid celebration, one of my friends came over and confessed his sin to me. That was the same day after he went for the HIV blood tests because his doctor was suspecting him to be HIV+. He also told me that he thanked god to give him a second chance to repent and prepare himself for his death.

The only similarity of these three cases is that all three believed that being diagnosed HIV+ is like a death penalty. Each of them may took different approach how to end their death but they were all seeing themselves driving in a car at 150 MPH heading towards a wall.

None of these cases believe that there is life after being diagnosed HIV+. I do feel sad for all of them. They all need to realise that with proper medical attention, positive living mentality and supportive family and friends around, one can still be HIV+ and live life to the fullest.

A friend of mine, who is a policeman, was diagnosed HIV+ 2 years ago. He had the similar psychological breakdown initially. Being in a macho profession, it was devastating to be known as gay and even worst of HIV+ status. He went through hell initially. To add on to his misery, the physician who was attending to him was his boss’s wife. I told him that if his doctor was professional, she would not disclose his case to her husband. Only after that he trusted his physician and allowed medical attention. Now with the support from his family and few close friends, he is living a positive life.

A wise friend of mine told me that if you are being diagnosed HIV+, do just take it as any other medical illness. If you are suffering from diabetic, high blood pressure, heart problem or kidney failure you do need to be on medication attention for the rest of your life. It is the same thing with being diagnosed HIV+.

Straighten Up

2006-11-03T14:33:00.000+08:00

It is the Eid Mubarak Festive season again. Like most Muslim of Malaysia, I did the ‘balik kampung’ thingy (back to home town). As usual the only thing to do during this festive season was to go around visiting relatives’ houses. But without fail, the same question that kept popping out frequently is, ‘When will you be getting married?’ Ahhhhhhhhhhh! I wish I could just tell them that I am gay and would only want to marry a MAN!

Living in KL, far way from my hometown, I am openly gay living with my boyfriend where my friends and neighbours respect and understand our lifestyle. Back in my hometown, I obviously had to pretend to be straight. Thank god that this game of charade is only for the short visit of the festive season. However, not all are fortunate enough ‘to go back’ to their dream lifestyle. During this festive season, I had the opportunity to see my cousins, who I know are gays themselves, living the life that is expected by the society. Yup, pretending being straight and married with a wife!

Most amazingly, they worked very hard to straighten themselves. Two years ago my cousin initially had to adopt a child to build his family. Both my cousin and his wife did not disclose whose fault it was for the long barren years but your guess would be as good as mine. However, after the first adopted child, he seemed to like the idea of being a father and worked very hard to become one of his own and at last did he become one on my last visit.

My other gay cousin built his family quite instantaneous after his wedding. I was happy for him but the last update I got from his mom is that he is having a second wife! How far does this cousin of mine want to proof his ‘straightness’? Or does he really like the creatures from Venus?

Whatever it is, I do take off my hat off for both them.

The Encounter 3

2006-09-26T15:01:00.000+08:00

Don’t judge the book from its cover!

Horny as usual forced me to cruise for fun. Went to Jurassic Park, a name only know to PLU (people like us). Meet this nice clean Chinese chap. Well groomed and dressed in a stripped long sleeves shirt with proper trousers. Probably he just got out from his office.

We casually said hi and he invited me over to his place. I agreed and went back to his place.

At his place, he invited me in. As soon as I got in, he locked the door and door grille with series of keys. I just thought he was being extra careful with security.

We walked to his living area. He had his TV on and his porn video was playing. It was an S&M video. I was slightly shocked but what the hack ….

Few minutes later, both of us were on the floor naked and were on each other. The room was lit with candles. The S&M video was still running. I was enjoying it. Out of the sudden, he stopped and went straight to the kitchen without excusing himself. He came back with a condom filled with water that was frozen. It looked huge man! I just stared at the frozen dildo. He told me to fuck him with it. I was resisted initially but obliged later. He was enjoying it. I was disgusted. I tried to make him cum to end it all and yet he did not cum. After a while, he grabbed one of the candles. He told me drip the molten wax on his asshole while fucking him with the frozen dildo. Eh? Crazy? Yup, but still I did what he wanted me to do.

I was just wanted to go. Then I decided to make myself cum so that he would let me go. I focused and focused to make myself cum. In the end, I came and thought I was able to get myself out of all this. He then told me that he would only allow me to leave if I make him cum. He said the door and door grille were both locked of which only he knew where the keys were. I was his prisoner! Damn!

He told me that the only way that he will cum if I was to shit and pee on him. I told him I am not able to do so. He reminded me that I was to make him cum before he was to let me go. I negotiated to just pee on him as I was definitely not able to pass motion on top of anyone. He was ok with it. I stood up and put my whole mind and body to pee on him. In the end, I managed to pee on his chest and mouth. Amazingly, as soon as I pee on him, he came instantaneous. Thank god to that … I was so FUCKING disgusted!

After all that, he casually let me out.

The Encounter 2

2006-07-18T16:08:00.000+08:00

I have been admiring this cute Chinese guy for some time. I have seen him around town, clubs and also at my usual hangout place in Bangsar.

One Sunday, I saw him with one of my friend at MPH Bangsar. I went up to my friend and ask if this boy was going out with him. My friend explained that he was just a friend and I asked him to introduce me to the Chinese guy. After the introduction, all three of us went out for coffee and that was where we exchanged number.

The whole week I was thinking of him. We were calling each other and I thought that we have so much in common. Naturally, I asked him out the following Saturday and he accepted it.

Saturday came and I was all excited. I picked him up and we went to a nice cozy Japanese restaurant. We were flirting with each other the whole night and the waitresses were noticing it too. I did not care at all.

After dinner, he invited me to stay over at his place. I was overjoyed. As soon as we were in his apartment, we went straight to his bed for sex. After we were done, I took out my cigarette to smoke. He slowly moved out of the bed and went to his CD player. I thought he just wanted to hear some music. He had Ziana Zain on. He turned to me and was holding the remote control in his hand like a microphone. He then started lip sinking to the song. Oh my god! He was doing a DRAG show! I was dumbfounded. My jaw just dropped. I was speechless!

If I wanted a women, might as well I get the real one! Of course after that incident, I decided not to see him again.

The Encounter 1

2006-07-11T23:03:00.000+08:00

It all happened ten years ago. I was young and naïve. I was a young professional who had no life but work. I had had heard so much about the gay nightlife in KL and was all excited about the gay scene. One fine night, I braved the darkness and decided to go out to that very gay disco in the city centre that I heard so much. As I had no gay friend then, I had to go alone. Upon arriving at the disco, I was overwhelmed with the place and was impressed with drag show they put on. Unfortunately, I only was enjoying it all from the bar. I dare not let my hair-downed, as it was my first time there. Suddenly, I noticed that someone was looking in my direction. He was cute and in his late twenties. I looked behind me to check if he was looking at someone else behind me but no one was looking at him. I looked back at him and he was still looking at me. He was still smiling at me. I managed to crack a smile back to him. He stood up and walked toward my direction. I felt my heart beat so fast that I wanted to faint. He stretched his hand out and introduced himself to me. He was a smooth operator and I like him so much.

I invited him over to my apartment. He said yes. I was so happy that I came out that night and could not stop thinking that I was so lucky to meet this amazing guy.

We took the cab to my place. In the cab, he was so sweet holding my hand and squeezing it. I felt so shy with the driver. Upon arriving to my apartment, he said that he was thirst. I went back to the kitchen and pour drinks for both of us. Both of us were sitting in front of the TV set in the lounge area. I had my hand all over him but he suddenly became a chatterbox. All chat and no play. I tried to unzip him but he kept on pushing my hand away. I just let him chatted a bit more and …… zzzzzz

I realized that I was dozing off on the couch sleeping with my cloth on. I tried to remember what had happened. It was a bit fuzzy at first but after a short while, the whole incident came back to me. I stood up and went around looking for the guy. He was not around. I saw the front door was unlocked and I knew then that he had left. Then my instinct told me to check my wallet. My instinct was spot on! I checked my bedroom and he had gone through my stuff in the bedroom too.

Only then, I realized that he had spiked my drink. I am not sure when did he do it, but the fact is, DO NOT trust anyone that you bring back home for ONS!

Football month!

2006-06-26T15:47:00.000+08:00

I was on a company trip to Singapore. We had a convention to attend and to meet up with potential clients in Singapore. It was a four days trip. Because it was a short trip and my company wanted to capitalised on our trip there, the management managed to cramp our schedule in the four days with the convention, meetings, cocktails and dinner appointments.

However, they forgotten the fact it was also the world football month! It is the World Cup! Of course, I never give a damn about because I would prefer Miss World competition myself. I thought this will not affect me at all but I was wrong.

I went to this business trip with a bunch of this bunch of my colleagues who are Pussy Lover Football Freaks. As I am straight acting and not totally out of the closet, I also had to pretend to be Pussy Lover Football Freak. Right after dinner, I had no choice but to be with them to watch the match. They were drinking beer by the jugs and had girls lap dancers to entertain us during half time. I had to pretend to enjoy the party but my heart yearns for some gorgeous hunk doing the lap dancing instead.

Having staying in the same hotel made it even worst. One night I decided to leave early but when the match was about to start they woke me up and asked me to joined them. This was 2.30 in the morning. I NEEDED my beauty sleep. Fucker!!!!!

You could not imagine how happy I was when I reached back home from the trip. I needed my sanity back from the trip. I opened a bottle of red wine, put on my Ella Fitzgerald CD and soaked myself in my aromatherapy bath.

Sexual Harassment

2006-06-09T14:56:00.000+08:00

Nowadays, sexual harassment has been a typical topic discussed in the office environment. Constantly a media coverage in chat shows over TV and radio. However, the topic seems to assume that the kinder gender of the human race is always the victim. Well, horse shit it is!

I was given an opportunity to be a junior consultant at a consulting firm. I was excited of this job as this was my dream job. The pay is not great but the opportunity to rise is there. I scarified everything for this job.

At first, I was assigned to small projects to handle with only one man job for the whole projects. I put in long hours to prove my capability. As so I did! The management was impressed with my work and decided to absorb me into bigger projects. I was assigned to work with this senior consultant for this global job. I knew this was the chance to prove to myself that I can do it! But this was the beginning of my horror …..

The senior consultant is someone I have noticed for quite sometime. He is middle age, short, fat and has a flair for ugly dress sense. We bumped into one another before my assignment under him but we only casually said hi to one another. I kept my distance as I knew he was a screaming queen. I kept that to myself as I have no say to what he wants to be.

As soon as I was under his wings, he became so closed to me. He asked me a thousand and one personnel questions. He also found out that I was single and that was not from me. Apparently, he asked around the office about me. I could not care less as everything went ok with both of us. We work well together on the project.

After a few months under him, he found out that I play squash and he invited me to play with him. I had no choice but to oblige. We played squash at his condo and right after the game he invited me over to his place for a drink. I stupidly accepted the invitation and we went up to his apartment.

Before the game, it had been a long day work. Obviously, I was a bit exhausted from work and the game. I plunked myself in his plush sofa. He came with the drinks and he told me that I looked tired and tensed. He reached out for my shoulders and gave me a message. Again stupidly I just let him to do so. He came closer to me and started to breath on my neck. He then gave me a kiss behind my neck while trying to hug me. I was shocked! I jumped out of the sofa but I so speechless. I just looked at him. He just gave me a smile. I could not believe it that he was making a passed on me. Damn! All I could do was to excused myself and left.

I never discussed it about with him or anyone after that but ever since that incident, it had been hell at work. Somehow or rather there seems to be more work to be done. He assigned me with more tasks so that I had to work extra long working hours. And to make thing worst, he still made his passes on me but more obvious. I am so stressed out with datelines; and the physical and verbal harassment from this man!

What do I do to stop all this? If I were to make a formal complaint to the management, I would also pull myself into the dirt as it is not the usual man-girl situation. They might even find out that I am also gay, which I am not ready for. Oh god! Save me from this.

Abang Angkat

2006-06-03T18:23:00.000+08:00

Abang Joe adalah seorang senior yang sentiasa menolong junior-junior yang ada menghadapi masalah pelajaran. Kebetulan pulak aku seorang yang memerlukan tunjuk ajar untuk menaikkan CGPA ku. Kawan aku memperkenalkan kami berdua dan dia bersetuju untuk meluangkan masa untuk aku. Semenjak itu, dia selalu menolong aku seperti memberi point-point untuk aku menyiapkan assignment dan presentation ku. Dia juga memberi semangat untuk aku berlajar dengan lebih gigih untuk meningkat CGPA aku. Oleh kerana itu, aku sentiasa menghabiskan masa bersama dia. Lama-kelamaan, semua member aku menanggap dia sebagai abang angkat aku. Sebagai seorang pelajar di UiTM, konsep berabang angkat adalah perhubungan yang lazimnya diterima oleh semua.

Aku rasa beruntung kerana mendapat Abang Joe sebagai abang angkat. Abang Joe bukan saje pandai, segak dan tampan tetapi tahu mengambil hati aku. Sekali-sekala dia akan ajak aku pergi tengok wayang atau main bowling dengan dia. Yang bestnya kami sentiasa berdua sahaja.

Selalunya bila aku belajar kat bilik dia sampai pagi buta, dia akan ajak tidur sekali kat katil dia sebab dia tak nak aku penat balik ke bilik aku. Walaupun kita tak buat apa-apa tapi berasa hepi giler kerana dapat tidur bersama Abang Joe.

Cuti pertengahan semester pun tiba. Semua pelajar-pelajar balik kampung. Tak sampai dua minggu bercuti, aku berasa bosan di kampung aku dan aku pun menalifon Abang Joe menanya khabar. Apabila aku menceritakan kebosanan ku di kampung, dia pun ajak aku balik campus awal kerana dia tengah buat projek untuk Persatuan Pelajar-pelajar dan perlu berada di kampus seminggu sebelum sementer buka. Dia akan duduk di hostel seorang diri dan aku boleh menemani dia. Aku pun OK je.

Setiba kami di kampus, dia terpaksa berjumpa dengan lecturer untuk berdiskus untuk projek dia itu. Aku pulak balik ke bilik dia. Aku berasa penat dan terus tidur atas katil dia seperti biasa. Apabila aku terjaga, aku mendapati Abang Joe tidur sebelah aku di katil yang sama. Padahal ada katil kosong yang lain tapi dia nak juga tidur bersama aku. Aku dengan tak malunya memeluk dia. Dia pun memeluk aku dan dengan tiba-tiba dia mencium pipi ku. Aku pun memeluk dia lagi kuat, takut-takut dia termimpi atau ape. Dia cuba mencium lagi tapi bukan pipi ku tetapi bibirku. Aku pun teruja dan merelakannya. Seminggu selepas itu adalah sungguh bermakna pada ku kerana hanya aku dan Abang Joe di dalam bilik hostelnya. Itu lah dedik permulaan hubungan intim aku dengan Abang Joe.

Semasa cuti panjang, aku ajak Abang Joe cuti di kampung ku dan ku perkenalkan abang angkat ku kepada keluarga ku. Mereka menerimanya dan kedua orang tua ku rapat dengan Abang Joe kerana Abang Joe tahu mengambil hati mereka. Oleh kerana ini lah aku bertambah jatuh cinta dengan Abang Joe. Segalanya aku akan korbankan untuk Abang Joe.

Setelah kami berkenalan satu setengah sementer, seorang rakan kelas ku, Mann, mulai rapat dengan Abang Joe. Mann yang baru dilantik sebagai ahli jawatankuasa Persatuan Pelajar-pelajar sentiasa bersama Abang Joe yang juga baru telah baru dilantik sebagai Timbalan Presiden Persatuan Pelajar-pelajar. Pada mulanya aku tidak pedulikannya kerana Mann adalah kawan ku dan Abang Joe hanya menganggap Mann sebagai adik angkat. Walaupun Abang Joe masih keluar bersama ku, tetapi Abang Joe juga meluangkan masa bersama Mann. Kadang-kadang kami bertiga akan keluar tengok wayang atau main bowling bersama-sama.

Hubungan Abang Joe dan Mann bertambah rapat. Aku mulai rasa curiga. Pada satu malam study break, semua rakan bilik Abang Joe balik kampung. Aku tahu yang Mann ada bersama Abang Joe. Aku menalifon Abang Joe dan menerangkan yang aku tidak dapat jumpa dia malam itu kerana perlu berdiskus untuk group presentation. Aku sebenarnya adalah berhampiran bilik Abang Joe. Setelah sejam menunggu, aku pun terus serbu bilik Abang Joe dan mendapati kedua-dua mereka berbogel di atas katil abang Joe. Hati ku pada saat itu berasa dicincang seribu. Sungguh kejam Abang Joe membuat aku begitu.

Adakah ini konsep abang angkat yang dipraktiskan di kebanyakkan institusi-insitusi pengajian. Mungkin aku masih mentah dalam hal ini tetapi jikalau konsep abang angkat bermaksudnya sebenarnya perhubungan yang lebih intim, maka aku berasa terkejut yang ianya dipraktikkan berleluasa dan diterima oleh ramai pelajar-pelajar di institusi-institusi pengajian di Malaysia ini. Apa bezanya abang angkat dengan boi fren? Adakah ini muslihat dengan menggunakan adat resam kita untuk menyerapkan gejala-gejala negatif yang dianggap oleh masyarakat kita? Atau sememang pada dasarnya ianya berniat suci tetapi kita sendiri yang mengekploitnya?

Walau apapun, untuk diri ku yang kecewa ini .... mungkin hanya perlu mencari seorang abang angkat yang setia pada aku.

Is Bigger Better? (The Study)

2006-05-08T22:59:00.000+08:00

I was fortunate enough to be exposed to a wide range of men. Probably you can spread a relatively large world atlas on the wall and then throw ten darts on it from a distance. The chances of me have had sex with a man from that region would be at least seven out of the ten darts. I am not here to brag but just to justify my stand in the issue ‘Is Bigger Better?’

Big dicks are fun generally but unfortunately, from my past experience very few of them have managed to satisfy me. The reasons being;

Of not knowing HOW to use it. Fucking is not just about poking the hole. Most of big dick owners would just shove their dick into the hole without actually thinking of the fuckee. They are too self-absorbed with their tool that they care less of their performance.

Not be able to have a HARD enough erection to perform. I notice this is especially true in men who had employed the pumping vacuum device to increase the size of their dicks. Mind you some of my encounters are still ih their early twenty's.

For cuming too FAST. Probably they rarely have the privilege of fucking. The mere entry of an ass would just make them cum.

WHITE ELEPHANT! Too big to handle. Just can’t blow nor get fucked by it.

I hereby declare that the bigger does not mean the better. So next time when you go on chat-line, don’t assume that someone with big dick will make you a happy boi.

Is Bigger Better? (The Story)

2006-04-29T01:10:00.000+08:00

Being versatile gay, I am able to tell you both side of the story. But for now, I would tell you of me being a bottom. And also try to answer the important question that is frequently asked by all; ‘Is bigger better?’ I was first fucked at the tender age of 15 yrs old. I hated it so much but because I was so into dicks that I allowed boys to fuck me. It was painful and some of the boys were rough. Safe sex was never in the agenda and hence all type of lubrication was used. Whatever the choice of lubrication was, it was still none pleasurable for me then. Years later, in my early 20's, I met this mat salleh. He was the one who seduced me into the world of bottom. Being mid aged, he had the experience to let me explore the pleasure of being a bottom in great depth. I was not in love with him but sex was so amazing that I kept on going back to him for more fucks. That was the beginning of my liberation as I could enjoy sex with men to the fullest. Name your game and I am for it!

That was true until the day I met this beautiful black guy. We met in a gay pub. Built like a black stallion, he had curly longish hair and was wearing a thick v-neck sweater with blue jeans. About 6 ft 2, he towered over me when he spoke. He told me that he was studying at the local university, north of the city. He was doing his degree in psychology. Wow! Both looks and brain. I was so turned on.

Late into the night, he asked if I would be interested to come over to his place. I was waiting for him to ask that question the whole night and of course I said ‘yes’.

On the way to his place, he nicely said he wanted to fuck me. I smiled. After that he hesitantly asked if I mind big one. I grinned wider. Inside me I was overjoyed! I was thinking to myself of how lucky I was of having this beautiful black stallion with brains and big dong. I was grinning the whole way to his place.

Arriving at his apartment, I just wanted to dive straight into it but he was resisting every moment. We just kissed while he was trying to divert my hand away from his dong. Only after a few glasses of cheap wine and turning off the light, he pulled me closer to him and slowly revealed himself to me. I was too excited until I saw how big it was. My jaw just dropped. It was as big and long as an over fertilised brinjal! It was as big as a big bottle of ketchup.

I would have never thought that it was that big. He saw my shocked face, he quickly shy away to the other corner of the sofa and on back the lampshade. He tried to cup his enormous dong with both of his hands. He looked disappointed and rejected. I was still in shocked.

Only after awhile did I realized that he would have encountered the same problem with many others. He would have been, by then, psychologically affected from all his past experiences. I felt so sorry for him.

Everyone says that they like big one up the chocolate highway but when it comes to the real the real thing, they just freaked out!

Baju Kurung

2006-04-19T10:45:00.000+08:00

Mak seorang seven-eleven (lelaki berpakaian wanita 24 jam) yang telah lama menjual diri dalam industri makeup. Yelah kena lah jual diri, kalau tak mana nak cari klient nyah. Rupa paras mak agak ok dan banyak yang anggap diri mak sebagai wanita yang tulen, atau mereka saje nak angkat bakul mak.

Anyway, mak nak cerite pasal semasa mak ade job kat Melaka untuk Maulidul Rasul yang lepas. Mak dah abis cantekkan klient mak, mak ikut sekali pergi function tu. Nasib baik mak pakai baju kurung berselendang panjang sebab function tu kat Masjid Besar Melaka. Ramai jeling mak yang tak nak tudung kepala mak. Buat ape mak tudung kepala, mak kan lelaki.

Mak rasa boring giler. Mak keluar jab untuk hisap rokok. Mak cubalah sorok-sorok tapi seorang tok imam ternampak mak.

'Cik adek tak sopan hisap rokok tau', dia berkata.

'Sorile bang', mak jawab.

Dah tu dia perhatikan muka mak, lalu dia bertanya,'Awak nie perempuan ke lelaki?'

'Lelaki bang,' Mak menjawab dengan segan pilu. Tapi mak terus sambung,'Jadi takpe lah hisap rokok kan bang?' Ingat mak bolehlah sambung hisap rokok.

Lantas dia berkata,'Kalau dah pakai baju kurung tu .... tak payah lah hisap rokok dek. Nak jadi perempuan kenalah perangai macam perempuan jugak.'

Kwang! Kwang! Kwang! MAK MALU NYAH!!!!!!!

Tug of war

2006-04-15T16:17:00.000+08:00

Having two is better than one. Well, that is what they say but not for me.

I was secretly going out with two beautiful boys. Meticulous planning, time management and constant lying were essential in the relationship. Initially, it was great as both had a complimenting timetable for me to slot in my week schedule. One was free on the weekdays and the other was free on the weekend. We shall call the one on weekend as Ed and the other one on weekday as Ben. This was only great for a moment but I knew I had to face the music sooner or later.

That very day came when Ed called me on the weekday for some emotional support. I wanted to cut the conversation short as I was already with Ben. He demanded a bit more time but Ben was already getting annoyed. I picked on Ed and ended the call with a temper. Later he called again and again. I was already in bed with Ben and decided not pick up the calls. An hour later, someone knock the door and I was stupid enough to open the door. No bonus for guessing who was at the door, Ed obviously! He pushed the door opened and rushed straight to my bedroom. Ben, not expecting anyone to barge into the bedroom, was half naked. Ed in shocked rushed out of the apartment and I followed suit. I stopped him and we had a high-pitch discussion near the poolside. He wanted to know how many time had Ben and me had done it and I told him three times (which was partially true as it was three visits with many sex). He did not believe me and he went back to the apartment to ask Ben himself. When we were all in my bedroom, he asked so many questions but both Ben and I did not utter a word. Being in rage, Ed stormed out of the apartment and I decided to leave it as it is.

Meanwhile, Ben packed him stuff and left. Before he did, he told me that he needed time to think about the whole situation. After Ben left, I sms-ed Ed to ask if he had reached his place safely as he would have ride his motorbike dangerously. He called me back and we spoke for a short while. He decided to come to my apartment that night to discuss further. When he was at my place, he agreed to stay with me with condition that I was to be faithful to only him. I agreed.

However, this was not true. I, with my forever gatalness, called Ben a few days later. Ben apparently had considered the situation and told me that he would not mind to be with me even in the know of the other one. I was pleased.

During that week, I had to go to China Town and Ben was to join me for lunch. Ed was to meet me later that evening because he was supposed to help me with a job. On my way to China Town, Ed surprised me by calling me and told me that he was already on the way to see me. I was forced to ask Ben to leave me and had to meet up with Ed instead. Ben was obviously not happy with that decision. I was not happy with the situation too and in the end Ed had to bear me picking on him the whole day for not giving me space to do things on my own.

Weekend came and Ed spent his time with me. It was a delightful time together but on the last night of the weekend, he asked me if I was still seeing the other boy. I then decided to just tell him the truth. He accepted it and decided that he did not mind if I was to see both of them but I had to be fair. I assured him.

It was long planned that I was to spend one night with Ben on the Highlands. A short trip from the city for a short holiday. I told Ed of it and got his blessing for the trip. I went up the highland with Ben. Ben thought it was an escape from the reality as there was only the two of us. I did not tell him of Ed knowing as I did not want to spoil his holiday. We were back in my apartment the day after that I decided to tell Ben. He was furious as I did not tell him the whole truth. Nevertheless, I managed to persuade him to accept the whole new situation. Hence, I was officially going out with two boyfriends.

WOW! How lucky, one might say. But this was just the beginning of hell to me.

From thereon, everything was measured by macro-millimeter and the scrutiny under the microscope. How come you sms him more that me? Can you not call him when I am around? Last I remembered there were ten condoms in the box and now there is only three, you had so much sex with him? Can I stay still Monday? Can I just drop by during the weekend? What product does he uses for his beauty routine? What perfume he wears? Can you please change the bedcover before I come? How could you watch that movie with him? I don’t want to see his stuff around when I am there! Does he use my stuff? Why is he so stupid? Why is he so rude?
It was amazing. Every time without fail there would be some little thing that cropped up. I had to defend the other one every time. Time spent with any one of them was a very unpleasant. I felt so very unhappy. They are constantly in the tug of war and I am the rope. I just can not cope with it any longer. I must choose to either one of them or neither at all!

Older V Young

2006-04-04T14:55:00.000+08:00

I looking for a LTR (long term relationship) but I am so confused. What am I looking for? Do I go for the older mature gay man or the young beautiful one?! For the sake of arguement, lets evalute both sides with quick pointers.

OLDER LOVER
>>Pros

Matured
Stable income
Worldly and exposed
Supportive emotionally
Independent

>>Cons

Fat & Ugly
Less sexual desire
Less athletic
Not much fun
Stubborn
Require lots of personal space

YOUNGER LOVER
>>Pros

Beautiful body
Wild sex and frequent
Energetic
Fun and crazy
Flexible

>>Cons

Inmature conversation
Financially instable
Living in his own little world
Emotionally dependant
Too attached

(Stereotyping I might be but generally this is true and of course there are exceptional cases)

With these pointers, I am still not able to make up my mind on an older lover or a younger lover. Both seems to outweight each other on the pros and cons. This is such a difficult decision to be made.

But hold on, what the hell am I doing, I don't even have a boyfriend to start off with. Does it matter whether he is older or younger than me? I have to find one first lah!

Nurtured or Nature?

2006-03-27T18:27:00.000+08:00

I am sure you all have heard this over and over again. Many have argued and yet there is no answer to this question. Were we born gay or the world around us change us to be gay? Nurtured or nature?!!!!!

Well, let me tell u my side of the story. My dad was never there to be the male figure in the family. My family was like a single parent family. My mom had to look after all six of us and I might add she had done a bloody good job. My dad, on the other hand, went to the big city and enjoyed the lifestyle of a bachelor. Drinking, partying and womanizing was his full time job. At one time, he even had 3 girlfriends!!!! 1st golden rule of nurtured, no male figure in family.

At the age of 7, my mom caught me with my 2nd cousin in my bedroom playing with our dicks. She was of course furious and gave me a long lecture. She grounded me in her room for days. But this did not stop me as there were so many little adventures I had with my other cousins, uncles (the one of the same age) and neighbours. Initially starting with innocent wanking and sucking off session but at the age of 15, I had my first experience of anal sex. I then introduced it to the rest of my encounters. This time I learned to be extra careful of not being caught! Hence undeniable, for argument sake, I was nurtured into this gay world.

But let me tell u my first true encounter of attraction for man. When I was 4, my parent had a small sundry shop. We were staying in a small living quarter attached to the shop. This was during the period when my dad was still around. The bathroom of this living quarter was located a bit further away from the living quarter. One evening, I went to the bathroom to take my shower. I was expecting my brothers to be there to shower me but to my surprise my parent's shop assistant was there. He was this late teenage who was helping my parent around the shop. He saw me and offered to shower me. I agreed and which he did it in nude. That was the first time I saw a full nude male 'adult'. Even though he did not do anything to me but I had this tingle feeling all around me. I had no sexual desire then but it just made me feel good. Since then I wanted to see more! No one had installed that feeling in me. I just had it and still having it!

Many many years later my mom admitted that when she was expecting me, she wanted a girl. She went around and asked the so call 'experts' to determine my sex before my birth. All agreed that she was expecting a girl. My mom was so overjoyed that she decided to have all my clothing in pink and insisted that my cot to be painted pink. The prediction did not turn out as planned. I am a boy. But somehow, I am sure, all this had an influence on my sexuality.

I was a little bit effeminate when I was toddler and early age. Running around in bedsheets as a dress and tried makeup for fun. Due to society needs, I managed to straighten my mannerism but my sexuality stays.I had tried to makeout with girls but they were all flops. Whenever I was with a girl, I had to go through a checklist 'How to makeout with a woman'. First, hug her. Second, kiss her mouth. Third, Put your tongue in her mouth. Forth, caress her breast. Fifth, bla bla bla ..... It was not happening. But with a guy, there was never of a list or I can do it in the reverse order. Doing it with another man is natural to me.

Well, does it make me nurtured or nature? The society just want to dissect the issue and make you into a study. This would help them to solve the so call ill behaviour of our society. Bullshit! Why can't they just leave us fucking alone?!!

Blew my mind

2006-03-21T11:50:00.000+08:00

I remember when I was young and love loitering around public toilets for a quicky. I'm sure so many had their own story for toilet adventures but I just thought I have to share this one.

There was this public toilet at a bus station that was cruisy and I frequent the place when I was young. There were always some horny bastards there. On that particular day, there was this ok looking middle age malay chap who tried to catch my attention. He went into the cubicle and gave me the indication to follow him in. I was so so so horny and that I did. When both of us were in the cubicle, he was already on his knees and was ready to give me a blow job. I whipped out my dick and let him have it.

WOW! Blew my mind away. Best blow I ever had. It was so good that I cum so fast. I just was so trilled until he but back his whole set of false teeth back into his month!!!!!! Oh my god! The guy was toothless ........ YUCK!

I did my BEST!

2006-03-17T17:52:00.000+08:00

I had a relationship. At the beginning of the relationship, I was a bit spectical of the relationship. Me being the older one and he being the much younger one. I knew how it was to be young and free. I had my own fair share of experiences. I just did not believed that the relationship would work. But he insisted that it was what he wanted and convinced me that he was truly in love with me. I slowly fell for it and did fall in LOVE with him. This was so so easy for both of us as both of us share so much things in commom and also not forgetting we had wonderful love-making sessions.

I was so much in LOVE with him that I decided to give him my all for the relationship. I took the risk of introducing him to my family as my boyfriend and he was accepted, eventhough with great difficulty. He was the first boyfriend that I ever declared to my whole family. I just wanted him to be part of my family.

When any occasion arised, I made sure that I gave him a gift, however big or small it is. I knew I could not just cherished him with gifts, I then decided to give him what he wanted the most, his dream. I had to halt my own dream for him and adopt his dream as my dream. It was hard for both of us as the dream involved intricate power of persuation from many parties and many months of full-time work to materialise it. We finally materialised him dream and I was so happy for him. I thought I had won him heart totally to infinity and beyond.

But as time became my witness, this was not true. Being young, he knew he had better opportunity with new encounters. He just felt he should kept his options open till the time is right. Of course, I was not happy with it. We broke off.

We still meet up occationally and because I was still very much in love with him, I asked him if there is any other improvement that I could do for him to come back to me and be faithful. He told me that he wanted a beautiful body boyfriend.

And that is was I did, a new body! My new daily routine was to making sure that I was on a very strict diet and went to the gym regularly with extensive workout to tone down and shape up, all in the name of him. I must say I did acheived my goal.

I then arranged for a date with him just to show off my new body and was hoping that he would change his mind. Before meeting him, I made sure that I dressed up to emphasise my new change. We did meet up and he did realise my new body. I asked him if he like the new me and he then told me that he did not like men who are too buff up. What the FUCK!!!!

I guess I did my best but my best was not good enough.

Valentine Day

2006-02-13T18:21:00.000+08:00

It was all over the media. One can't ignore it even if one tried to do so. It was the St. Valentine Day itself.

So many had woo their love one on this day. Ordered roses, bought expensive chocolates, dined at fine restaurants and some proposed marriage on this romantic day. This is regardless of straight relationship or gay relationship, they all want to celebrate this V day.

But I have a funny story to tell.

I wanted to surprise my hansome potential boyfriend on this Valentine day. He is so my type and I wanted it to be perfect for him. It was planned that this is the nite I wanted to ask him formally for a long-term-relationship. I had made booking at a beautiful Italian restaurant. It was expensive but I was sure that it will worth every penny that I spent on it. I also bought red roses and a small box of expensive chocolate for him. I was so excited for the night to come.

I told him to meet at the city centre as the restaurant was walking distance from our meeting point. He knew we were on a Valentine date but he thought we were just going to have a simple dinner at the cafe around that area. When I met him, i gave him the roses and the chocolate. He was so embarassed as we were in the public. I swear his face nearly went red. Damn! That was a bad move. But he was nice enough to hide his embarassment and managed to pull a smile for me.

We then walked pass the cafes there. He asked me if we were having dinner or not, and I told him I have made a reservation at a restaurant a bit further down the road. He was OK with it. At the restaurant, we were ushed to our table. It was a none smoking table and hence it was in the centre of the restaurant. A table set for two with candle lights. A romantic setting but as we sit down we realised everyone was staring at us. Even the waiters were grinning at us. We were the only boy-date-boy in the centre of the restaurant and the other tables were all boy-date-girl. We were the centre of attention. My boy friend was so so embarassed now and he went red all the way. Damn again!

We had to finish our dinner quickly and had to leave the restaurant before dessert. We went out of the restaurant so fast that I did not managed to propose to him of the long-term-relationship with me. Damn again and again!

Man ... my romantic plan gone wrong and my wallet gone burst!

Cruel to be kind

2006-02-09T23:40:00.000+08:00

It is amazing how difficult it is to hook up with someone for a date. But I found it is more difficult to un-hook oneself from it. How do one tell that person that one do not want to do anything that the person any more?

He is a nice guy and all but definitely not my type! What reason do I tell him for him to stop the sms-es and calls throughout the day till wee hour of the morning? One fact for sure is that I never uttered a word on me missing him and yet he goes on and on and on and on. Damn! What I got myself into. The word sayang (darling) is forever in his sms.

Earlier before dating, I told him that I was already in a relationship and he was the few men I was seeing on the side. He was ok with it as long as he get to see me once in while. We went dating a few time and I knew it was not working. I then told him that my boyfriend found out and I need to patch the relationship. He said he understood but he said he will wait for me still. I said I will not be calling or sms him any more but he will wait. Obviously, ignoring the calls and sms-es was the best remedy. But he assumed that I was too busy with my boyfriend and he would wait FOREVER! He stills sms .... oh my gowd!

I think I have to just hurt his feeling. I have to be cruel to be kind!

Long Holiday

2006-02-06T21:57:00.000+08:00

Malaysia and her holidays! So many of them which sometime one wonders how one works in this country. This does not stop here. Each states has also its own holidays too. Due to this, last week was where both national holidays and state holidays met. From Monday to Thursday was declared official holidays for The State of Federal Territory. Some companys decided to take the whole week off!

I am generally not affected by this holiday thingy because I work free-lance from home. Holiday or no holiday mean nothing to me but it did affect my social life for last week.

One would assumed that most of the hard working city folks would take this opportunity to go off for a holiday to some exotic place. Surprisingly, the city was still happening. I went for gatherings, luncheon, dinners, gallery opening, partys, clubbing and most importantly DATES! Yup, dates ... with 4 different guys of different background. All 4 were availables and I had to scheduled them so thightly cuz my other social activities and obligation.

A friend of mine was so happy for me. He told me that after my break-up in my recent relationship, this is what i need i.e. to be back into the game. He also reminded me that St. Valentine's Day is just round the bent and I had a wide selection to choose from. Even thought I was not a big fan of celebrating V Day but I was agreeing with him.

Planning of the week schedule was crucial for all to run smooth. First had to slot the social obligation and followed slots for my dates. Then the other small uneventful social calls.

Anyway, the chronological events of last week was as follow;

Friday 27 January 2006
5.30pm - 8.00 pm
Date with Guy A, Accountant, 28 yrs old. He came over to my house. He was so so manja (affectionate). He had to be back early cuz he was leaving for Perak the next day. Had a great time.

9.00 pm - 2.30 am
Off to my gal friends house for card games with friends who were going off for holiday abroad for the week.

Saturday 28 January 2006
11.30pm - 3.30 pm
Date with Guy B, Assist. Manager of a Restaurant, 25 yrs old. Had lunch and we went to a sauna for a quickie. The reason why I don't want him back to my place is because this guy has fallen for me so so deeply. Calling me sayang (darling) and all. Not ready for that yet. I just wanna have fun!

5.30pm - 12.30am
Squash game with my dear friend. Great game it was. We had dinner outside and came back to my place to watch Tansamerica.

Sunday 29 January 2006
1.30am - 5.00am
Out clubbing with gay friends at Musictheque. Met one cute boy and danced with him. But did not ask for his number cuz I just got enough in my plate. Leave it for now. Will bump into him again if I play my card well. Also met my ex there but we were civiled to one another. I still find my ex to be damn cute. Hugged him for a short while for all time sake.

7.00pm - 11.00pm
Date with Guy C, Hairdresser 36 yrs old. Dinner at Bangsar and went back to his place. Sex was hot! But he was working the next day so I decided to go back to my own place after. I have no intention to wake up early the next day when he goes to work.

Monday 30 January 2006
Was supposed to have a BBQ do but was so lazy to go out! Spent time with my younger brother at home. He had his girlfriend over and I had time to know her better too.

8.00pm - 2.30am
At last managed to pull myself out from the comfort of my couch for the BBQ gay do at my friend place, a penthouse right smack in heart of the city with a 360 degree view of KL. When I arrived, everyone was still there. Plenty of food and beautiful young single boys. I just socialised casually and not 'fishing' at the young boys. One showed his interest but he was still a student at a local university and I thought he was a little bit under my age requirement.

Tuesday 31 January 2006
3.30pm - 10.30pm
Date with Guy D, Air Steward 37 yrs old. The date was at a sauna and dinner after. Can't bring him home too. He was also too clinging. He sms-ed so often. He even sms-ed me from UK and China when he was on the job. I only knew him for less than a week, he had already said that me miss me so much. WOW! And he is older than me.

Wednesday 1 February 2006
10.30 am - 7.30 pm
Had to wait for my dear friend to play squash. He had a very late nite the nite before and he only turned up at 2pm. While waiting for him, I met up with my neighbour who just got back home from his birthday trip in Manila. I also wanted to get Brokeback Mountain DVD him. As we were sitting at our cafe at our apartment, my dear friend came with thousands of apologies. We played squash and went out for late lunch. Bumped into the boy I met at Musictheque the saturday before. My dear friend asked for his number and he gave it. We came back to my place to watch Brokeback Mountain. Nice movie it was and my dear friend was near to tears.

8.30 pm - 12.30 pm 2 February 2006
My darling gay indian 'sister' had a small sit-down dinner at his place. Truely an indian experience from food to company. A quiet do but fun and informative.

Thursday 3 February 2006
1.00 pm - 9.00pm
Date with Guy A again. We had lunch and came back to my place. He was so romantic and nice. Even gave me a back message. I enjoyed him so much but before he left, he dropped the bomb on me. He has already have someone in his life and it was not another man but a woman. He was married!

Friday 4 February 2006
4.00 pm - 7.00pm
Date with Guy B. Again our date in the sauna. But I was already bored with him cuz he was already making plan of seeing his parent and a 'wedding'. Ya right! had to cut short the date by having a SOS from my neighbour.

9.00pm - 11.00pm
Followed my neighbour to one of our gay doctor friends house for dinner. His mother was there and had to be polite and straight-acting.

11.30pm - 2.30pm
Originally wanted to go to Frangi, gay nite on friday nite, but my neighbour and me were not in the mood. We went out for teh tarik to Hartamas Square instead with our gay stewards friends who were not flying.

Saturday 5 February 2006
10.00pm - 11.00pm
Date with Guy C. Had breakfast with him. Can't have any decent conversation with him other then about hairstylying or men. Am bored again. After that I rush to the pharmacist for my supplements. Was suppose to met up with my ex after but he fell from his backhandspring while training and hurted his neck!

2.00pm - 4.00pm
Had lunch with my neighbour, our doctor friend and a Sabahan gay friend at Bangsar. Bumped into my old collagemate. My friends were salivating him. So funny how I never did find him sexual or attractive at all and yet all three find him so gorgeous. This ex collagemate of mine never admit that he is gay to me but I frequently bumped into him at gay venues. I think it is just an unspoken thingy for both of us.

4.00pm - 7.00pm
Had a meeting with a potential client

8.30pm - 11.30pm
Went to a exhibition opening at my friend's gallery. Had my younger brother and his girl friend with me. Meet up with my beautiful gal friend and her friends there. We all went out for coffee after. One of my ex's friend turned up and joined us but as usual he was so afriad that I out-ed him cuz we were in a straight company.

Sunday
1.30am - 5.00am
Musictheque again with friends.

7.30pm - 9.00 pm
Invited to dinner by my other gay brother and his partner. Another small sit-down dinner of 5 people. So proper one lah and so BORING!

9.00pm - 3.00 pm
Gathering at my neighbour house to watch Juara Lagu 2005, an annual local song competition. Had a drag show at the tail-end of the nite!

That was my long week. But why do I bother writing about it down. To tell u that I had a packed week?!! No. But just to tell u that I had to planned my days with the slots of DATES in between.

Next question is .... Who is Mr. Valentine? To tell u the truth, NONE! Cuz none seems to cut the grid. Everyone of my date does not excite me in totality. Just a little bit here and a little there. But never a complete picture.

A friend once forwarded me a sms,'Do not look for the perfect one but to perfect the love with the not perfect one'. Does make sense to me but I JUST CAN'T!

Birthday Bash

2006-01-20T15:00:00.000+08:00

I had it all planned. My birthday bash was gonna be at a nice posh bar on a roof top overlooking the KL Petronas twin tower. The theme for that night was Oriental. Beautiful pizzas and finger food were ordered with free flow drinks for the nite. Invitations to my selected friends were sent out and so is to my 2 potentials. Was hoping some magic gonna happen with either of them. I was so excited. It bloody better be cuz I am spending an obese amount for the nite!

Both of the potentials know that I am interested with them but both have not said a definite a yes or a no. I hanging on a string and could not make a decision. I need either one of them to make the first move. Call me conservative, call me the typical melayu boy but that is how I was brought up. So malu one! But I am sure my chance is higher with 2 potentials right?!

The actual night came. Full moon just floating above the twin towers. Such a perfect romantic setting. Everyone arrived in Chongsam (chinese attire) and one guy friend even wore a kimono with a fan. Memoirs of Geisha inspired him. Everyone had fun as the night went by. My 2 potentials were having fun too. I tried my best to have fun but in the end, my heart just could not. Neither the 2 potentials did not make any move at all. Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!

Sexually Compulsive Gay Men

2006-01-18T21:05:00.000+08:00

A recent study by Jeffery Parsons, a New Yorker sex researcher, found there are 3 categories of sex addicts: The first group engaged in sex to alleviate negative feeling, anxiety, and stress. The second group was addicted as to the chase of actual sex - for them it was about the trill and excitement of the new catch. The third group, which he called "relationship obsessed," had sex with many men in hopes of landing Mr. Right, who would, as the fantasy goes, make everything ok.

The frustration bit of this report is that I fall into all the above categories. So how do i categorise myself?

Or probably I am in the last forgotten category i.e. A SLUT!

Single & Free Again

2005-12-12T16:28:00.000+08:00

I have been in a relationship with this man for more than 2 years. He was older and professional. We seemed to make a nice couple. Both independent and all. We just needed each other for companionship. We stayed at our own place and never made plan to stay together. My work seemed to be taking over for the past months. He has his own set of problems. We meet less and less. I wanted full sex and he is too tired to have them. So, to cut the story short, we broke off a month ago.

Hu hu ... single again! I have this fanatasy that I could pick up man from any where and have my little fun. But still my work is piling up. Going out on the weekend seems to be more difficult. Weekdays seems a no no. How the hell do u think I can get a fuck?

I decided to heck it and force myself to go to a gay club. My friend was so happy to bring me along. We dance and dance and dance. Till I met this cute Kelantanese boy. Yup, lets go for the kill.

We exchange numbers. I thot I'll call him the next day. After club, me and my friend decided to to have teh tarik. But quite horny, I decided to give him a call. Offered him a ride home if he needed it. He said yes. YES!

After sending my friend home, I can't wait to get into the Kelatanese boy's pants. Don't know what happened, suddenly, someone bang my car from the rear at the traffic light. Damn! I was furious. When out and spoke to the culprit and his girlfriend. He gave me his mobile number and his IC no. I tried to call his phone but he said that he left his phone at home. He gave his girlfriend's no. instead. I called and her phone did rang. He told me that he will pay for the damage and i was happy with that. I don't want the boy to wait all nite, right?!

As I sent the boy back, I was already getting so horny. Managed to caress him. He asked me if I was interested in ONS or LTR. What?! I told him that ONS than we'll see lah. He was not happy with it. I just want SEX. He did brought me up and had sex, if what we did is call sex, and I did not come at all. I was so tired and decided to stay till the morning.

Early morning, there was loud bang in the living. Someone seems to to be going like a mad cow outside the room. I asked the boy if he has a boyfriend, he said,`someone who thot he is and probably is not happy that u with me now'. What the fuck!!!!!! What shit I'm in, man!

I was so afraid that he might bashed the hell out of me. The other seems to got out of the house with a big bang of the door. We waited for a short while and I rushed out the house. Thank god nothing happened.

I was still not in the right frame of mind when I remember my car. I call the guy and he did not pick his phone. Tried to call the girlfriend's mobile. She picked it up but off the phone after. Damn! I think I been conned.

The Kelantanese boy called and said he needed help. He can't handle the other boy. What does that got to do it me! Through out the day he tried to sms me and call.

My car is ruined and I got this boy on my back. I just wanted fun. I don't need all this shit man! No more clubbing for me for the next few months!

Never Enough

2005-11-20T09:39:00.000+08:00

It is irony how one can never get enough.

When you were young and beautiful, everyone wanted a piece of you. You were on top of the world. With a snap of your fingers, many came to you. Then you decided that, I must find one BEST of the best among these homo-kesians. You made your choice and you allow yourself to fall in love with this rather ok looking much much older man who can affort your life style. Then he suggest moving-in with him and to live the life of a Tai Tai (everything from car to daily expenses). You become the green-eyed boy among your peers. (Yes! My life is great!)

Many years later, ur Lo Kong (husband) getting too old. Sex is getting lesser and lesser (or none at all). U decided to look for fun here and there. An open relationship lah as long no one gets hurt. New adventure with new age group of young boys. Then, one fine day, a cute charming boy came into your life. At first mere sex, then u wanted to see him more that once. After that, deeply falling in love with this sweet young thing. Everything is BEAUTIFUL with him.

Now what?!! You still attached to ur Lo Kong (and depended on him) but deeply in love with this sweet young thing.

2005-09-28T12:42:00.000+08:00

The Beginning

Have been thinking of starting a blog myself. Have not actually got myself doing so until today. After getting enough inspiration from my boifriend, I decided to do so.

What do I want to write about? That is the question that I ask myself. Is it about my everyday life adventure and fantasies or about some philosophical analysis of life? Don't mind writing about my life but I'll leave this to later and about trying to be intelligent about life is another thing. Neither, I guess.

Before I go on, permit me to write a little thing about myself. I am a gay boi myself. Have been one since I remember. Born in Brunei, brought up in Kuching, studied in ITM Melaka, ITM Segamat, Nottingham Poly and Emily Woolfe of London. Started off as an accountant and now decided to give it a try in the theatre world as a producer. Had produced 2 major productions at Actor Studios and few smaller ones. But till to date, my life have been evolved around me being gay and am always intrigued by life as a gay boi. Over the years I have been collecting stories of gay boiz around me and their FRUSTRATION in life (and also mine of course).

Hence, I decided to write about my gay friends' frustration life. I have been fortunate enough to have many gay friends from my childhood till now. Most of them has their own story (or stories) to tell. I find it most exciting and I do want to share these stories with all who wants to know about gay boi life as just for knowledge or as a mirror to compare with.

I have also decided that my blog will not have a time reference. My blog may be read any at period of my posting. It will be according to my inspiration of writing on any of my friend who comes to my thought. I will try to not give my friends' identity but if you happened to identify yourself in my writing, then i do apologise for telling your story.

Hope this will be my new beginning of my writing.

Do also hope that someone would enjoy my writing.